I've come to the end of my reading in the Old Testament book of 1st Samuel, and over the past couple of days I've been reflecting on how an incident in David's life gives us a great example of what to do when we find ourselves in a crisis. You can read the story in 1 Samuel chapter 30.
This particular crisis in David's life was that he returned home from a battle, only to discover that raiding Amalekites had attacked and burned down his home city, Ziklag, as well as kidnapping all the women and children who had been there.
David's first response to this crisis is found in verse 4: "David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep." It's perhaps not the response you were expecting, but it's an important one; when tragedy engulfs us or disaster strikes at the foundations of our lives, it's important that we give ourselves permission to grieve and to express our emotions - to shed tears and to talk, both to God and to other people, about our pain.
I remember, twenty years ago now, meeting a teenage girl on a King's Kids outreach in Namibia. Her Mum had died just a few months before, but she hadn't allowed herself to cry, because people told her that Christians are supposed to "be strong." The pressure that people put on this poor girl was based on a wrong understanding of what it means to be strong. Strong people are able to express their emotions freely and without embarrassment, but in a healthy way. It is much healthier to shed tears of grief, loss or disappointment, than to push our feelings under the surface and allow them to fester there.
So David's first response to the crisis was to grieve…. but it didn't stop there. It would have been unhealthy for David to cry forever, to wallow in self pity, worry or depression, or to become paralysed with thoughts of regret and hopelessness. Read on (below) to discover an important second step that brought balance to David's feelings of grief and discouragement.
If you've ever been suddenly and violently plunged into a crisis, you'll know how it shakes you to the core of your being and leaves you in a state of shock. Whether you were diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, or came home to find your house burgled; whether you lost your job or were falsely accused of a crime…. whatever your world shattering event was, it's normal to feel a mixture of conflicting emotions. Fear, anger, guilt, grief, loss, pain and confusion can all be there on the spectrum. David poured out his shock and grief with so many tears that he felt completely exhausted (vs 4) but he also moved beyond that to an even more important step.
After the initial shock and grief, things got even worse for David because the others around him started to feel bitter and to blame him for what had happened. Perhaps he even felt tempted to blame himself. This increased David's sense of distress, but he made a right choice amidst the pressure, and took his crisis to the Lord. 1 Samuel 30:6 tells us that David knew how to find strength in the Lord his God. This ability to draw on God's resources is what brought balance and courage back into David's life. His circumstances didn't change at all… but he was able to draw on God's grace and strength to face his heartbreaking situation and prepare for the road that lay ahead.
Some people want the comfort of others in a crisis and just keep looking for a shoulder to cry on. This is okay, but if it's the only thing we do, it could put us in danger of not taking this important second step of leaning on God. Other people by personality just want to be left alone with their pain, because they think that no one else will understand. This response is also understandable, but it could put us in danger of too much introspection and isolation. The right response is to begin strengthening ourselves in God.
Of course, if we haven't learned to draw on God's resources in the good times, if we haven't been regularly drawing on His strength and grace for our daily lives, it will probably be difficult to trust and lean on Him in a crisis. We need to keep "practising" this dependence on God when times are good, so that it will be a natural and instinctive response when a crisis shakes our lives.
Knowing how to draw on God's grace, hope and strength is a vital foundation for the third step in how to handle a crisis. Keep reading below.
If you've reached this point after reading the two posts above this one, you'll know that I was noting David's responses to a devastating crisis in 1 Samuel chapter 30. His first response was to allow himself to grieve and then a second, and very important, response was to find strength in God.
These two steps are what gave David the courage and resilience to move on to step three: taking back what the enemy had stolen from him.
One of the encouraging and exciting things about being a Christian is that God will often enable us to reclaim the things that the devil attempted to rob us of. This can happen in different ways, but it will always be life changing, and it begins with the step that David took in verse 8: bringing the crisis to God and asking Him what to do about getting back what the enemy has taken from us.
Of course, if someone has died, that doesn't usually mean that we'll get the person back. If our house burned down in a fire, it probably won't miraculously appear again. If we lost our job, we won't necessarily get it back again. If we were diagnosed with a terminal illness, we may or may not come to a place of complete healing. But there will be other ways that we can take back the hope, peace and victory that God wants us to have in life. It starts, though, with what David did in vs 8: asking God what we should take back, and how He wants us to do it.
Let's say, for example, that my crisis was caused by a diagnosis of sickness, or by an accident that caused disability: I need to know whether I'm to fight and pray for a miraculous healing… or whether the things I'm to take back are more in the area of hope, joy and the grace to live courageously in challenging circumstances.
Let's say that my crisis was caused by slander that cast a slur on my reputation: I need to know whether to fight to clear my reputation, or whether the true spiritual battle is about learning to rise above that, leave my reputation in God's hands, and learn to live shame-free, despite the rumours.
Or let's say that my crisis was caused by a colleague's betrayal, by a business partner who defrauded me or who went bankrupt and lost funds I had entrusted to him: then I need to know whether it's right to pursue justice in a court of law, or whether to move on and trust that a faithful God can make it up to me in different ways.
And so, sometimes the things we need to take back are the seemingly intangible ones: things like hope and courage, the grace to forgive or the ability to trust again. And sometimes what we get back will be concrete and practical - like being healed of a disease, or the surprising provision I saw last year after my purse was stolen. (Read the story by clicking here.) Sometimes it's one or the other; sometimes it's both.
And so that's why our personal relationship with God is so important. If I've never learned to hear God's voice about what to do (step three), I won't know what I need to fight for. Or if I have never learned to find my strength in God (step two), I'm going to be too weak for the spiritual warfare involved.
David's example in 1 Samuel 30 gives me a clear example of how to respond in a crisis. But it also reminds me that I need to treasure and invest in my friendship with God during the good times too, so that I have a storehouse of His resources and will not be overwhelmed when a crisis comes along.
