Ducks in a row ?

As November draws to a close, I realise that it's been 11 months since I started searching for a new home.. and it's been 8 months of homelessness, moving myself, my pets and my possessions to new but temporary accommodation every few weeks. 

A couple of weeks back, I sought the advice of a property expert - recommended to me by two different sets of friends who had both bought their new homes with his help. This man was not the least bit surprised to learn that I had spent eleven months looking for a home and not managed to find anything at all. He said he knew a dozen people in the same situation, and his advice to me was rather shocking, “Stop looking!” In today’s climate, he advised me, it’s very unlikely that I will find a house to rent unless I can prove a monthly salary of several thousand euros. 

A far better idea, he counselled me, would be to consider whether I could contemplate buying a property instead of renting one. But there’s no point in even starting to look, he said, unless you already have the money available to purchase. The Spanish system of making a 10% down payment on a property you want to buy means that there is too much risk of losing that deposit if you don’t have assurance that the full amount will be available within a few weeks - either from the sale of another property or because the finances are provided for you in another way.

“Stop looking, “ he said, “until you have your ducks in a row!”
It was very hard to hear that, after the countless hours I’ve spent
this year in looking for a new place to live.

 But what does it mean to have my "ducks in a row" ?

It means first of all that I need to know whether God is asking me to trust for a huge increase in income so that I would be able to afford a monthly rental contract…. or whether He is asking me to take a step of faith and trust Him to provide me with a home of my own. This would be a big step to take; I’ve never bought, sold or owned a house in my entire life, and for all of my life I have lived on a regular income that is “below minimum wage.” But, as I mentioned in a previous blog post, my fruitless search for a home to rent has led me to suspect that God’s solution might be for me to own a home instead. I’ve lived in rental accommodation my whole life, and having a home of my own could also be God’s provision for my old age, when I no longer have regular missions support coming in.

And so, as a long and challenging year moves towards its conclusion, that's where I'm at. I believe that throughout the year I've taken steps that were the right steps at the time. The long months of searching for a home to rent have been the experience I needed to confirm to me that renting a home is probably no longer the way forward for me.  It's really looking as if I'm moving into a new season where I need to trust God to show me how to take new and unfamiliar steps forward.

I feel a little like the Israelites must have felt when they were crossing the Red Sea or crossing the River Jordan. At one point, God said to them, "You have never been this way before." (Joshua 3: 4) Or perhaps it's more like Peter who, amidst the storm of circumstances, chose to step out of the boat and walk on water to be with Jesus. (Matthew 14)

Read on below for some water walking reflections from my quiet time this morning.

Walking on water...

This morning, I was reading in the New Testament, in Matthew chapter 14. The second half of the chapter contains the well known story of Jesus and Peter walking on the water.

So much had happened before that point: they got the news of John the Baptist's death, then Jesus taught crowds of people all day and the disciples found themselves with the task of feeding fish and bread to thousands of people in a remote location. After that, while sailing back across the lake, they found themselves in a frightening storm... and suddenly they thought that they saw a ghost!

I don't know if they vaguely recognised Jesus walking towards them on the water and started to think that He was dead... or whether there was no recognition until He said to them, "Don't be afraid.... I am here." (vs 27)

Bereavement, tiredness, crisis, fear, uncertainty... this was the backdrop to Peter's walking on the water.

The story is well known: as long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was doing fine. More than fine, he was experiencing a miracle, something impossible. But when he focused on the wind and waves, he was terrified and began to sink.

As I read the story, it struck me that I have experienced some similar pressures this year:

• bereavement and other losses
• tiredness from moving house so often
• the crises of homelessness and illness
• uncertainty about the right decision and the right way forward

And amidst these "storm factors," I'm contemplating stepping out and buying a home! Walking on water... as home owning feels so uncertain and out of reach. Something within me is saying like Peter, "Is that really You, Lord?" (vs 28) And another part of me is intimidated by how little I know about the process of buying or owning a home.

But if I'm going to step "out of the boat,' I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and not on the circumstances. I need to activate my faith, I need to say, "Save me, Lord," and I need to keep worshipping Him (vs 33) for who He is. 
 

From heaven to homeless...

Christmas is still quite a few weeks away, but this morning I was reading a devotional that made me think of the Advent season that lies ahead. The featured verse was 2 Corinthians 8 vs 9: "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, for your sakes He became poor, so that you through His poverty might become rich."

It's one of the mysteries of the incarnation - that God Himself, the Creator and Owner of the universe, left the splendour of heaven and came to live a humble life among mankind on earth. He was born in a stable because there was "no room" at the inn. His earthly parents were simple people; we would probably describe them as "poor." Yet Jesus' material poverty opened the way for each one of us to experience spiritual riches.

For most of my life, I've lived on very little. I remember when I started out as a missionary, I needed to raise £150 to live on and I trusted God to give me 15 partners who would each support me with £10 a month. For many years in Africa, right up to 2007, I lived on an income of £200 a month... and yet I never felt "poor" or in need. I lived simply, I was never in need, and God even provided a nice car when I needed one.

It's only been this year, for the first time, that I've felt the weight of being "poor." It's not that I've been destitute or starving; I've always had enough to eat, I still have a nice car and I even have some savings in the bank... but losing my home this year confronted me with the sober reality that I simply didn't have enough income to rent a new place to live. Even the most humble accommodation came with a price tag that was considerably higher than my total monthly income. And when I plucked up the courage to investigate the option of buying instead of renting, I discovered that my budget would restrict me to looking in "poor" areas... like the neighbourhoods typically inhabited by gypsies and travellers.    

So it kind of caught my attention when I read in the devotional this morning that Jesus "lived as a homeless man for years." It wasn't that Jesus was sleeping in the street, like a down and out, but it's certainly true that He did spend the latter years of His life dependent on the hospitality of others. He Himself described it as having "nowhere to lay His head." What a radical commitment He made in order to reconcile us with the Father.

I've only experienced that homelessness in a small way this year, and it's been humbling; I've felt very vulnerable at times. For the first time in my life, I feel "poor" and without resources... and yet I know that my Heavenly Father created and owns the entire universe. All I can do is trust that my life is in His care, just as He cared for His own Son when He was here on earth.

Launching a wave...

During the last ten days of October, I was in Albania for the annual regional gatherings of KKI Europe. Four days with our regional leadership team (ELT) were followed by two days with KKI national leaders from across the continent, and then by three days with a larger gathering of young and old. 

Our theme for this KKI gathering was "Launch the Wave,” and we sought God’s heart for how to launch the next big wave of missionaries to take the gospel to the nations of Europe. 

It was interesting to remember how Loren Cunningham (recently deceased founder of Youth with a Mission) when he was only 20 years old had a vision of waves of young people - "my age and younger" - taking the gospel to the nations of the earth.  So it was fitting that more than two thirds of the participants at our KKI gathering were under 25 years of age, and the remaining third was people aged 25 - 70. 

We had some extended times of worship, prayer and ministry, as well as looking ahead to exciting outreach initiatives that will be held in 2024 and 2025. We expect to send many teams to France during the Olympic Games next year, and to have another SHINE event, possibly in the UK, during 2025.