Wet matches in the sunshine...

At church this morning, one of the songs during the worship time included a line about God "lighting up the darkness." Shortly after we'd sung those words, I received a mental picture of a person holding a wet box of matches. The person had been trying again and again to strike the matches, but there was no hope of seeing them catch fire because they were soaking wet. The only thing that could be done was to place the wet matches in the bright sunlight and wait for them to dry out.  

As I watched the person lay those matches out on the ground, I saw that they slowly began to dry. Then suddenly, without the person even needing to pick them up and try striking them again, they spontaneously burst into flames.... like when a bush fire or forest fire is started by the sun's heat on the dry grass.

Recognising it to be a prophetic picture for someone in the congregation, I caught the worship leader's attention and asked if I could come to the microphone to share it. I described the picture and then offered the interpretation that I believed God was giving me.

"There's someone here who has been praying a long time for something," I said. "You feel like you're asking again and again, but nothing's happening; the fire just won't start. I believe that God is saying you don't need to keep "striking the matches" again and again, but you simply need to lay those prayers down in the Lord's light and warmth, so that He can deal with the hindrances and He can be the one to make the fire start."

As I returned to my seat, I could hear the worship leader asking the congregation if anyone identified with the word I had shared. One or two people raised their hands and the worship leader led out in a prayer.  But before I got to my seat, the lady behind me reached out and grabbed hold of me. "I had gone out to the toilet," she said, "And so I didn't hear what you said. Can you tell me, please?"

So, in a whisper, I described to her what I had just shared with the whole congregation. "Oh, yes, that's me!" she said, "Please will you pray for me."

Later, as I was walking home from church, I realised that the prophetic picture I'd shared for others was also very applicable to my own situation. (See the post below this one.) As we enter the fifth month of the year, I have temporary housing possibilities lined up for the next few months, but nothing long-term yet. I've been asking the Lord how much time and energy I should be putting into the ongoing search. I've had such a sense in recent weeks that the accommodation hunt is "eating up" time that could be used for other things - like ministry preparation - but I don't want to be irresponsible or passive when it comes to knocking on doors and checking out possibilities that might lead to finding my future home.

I'm asking myself now if the endless searching through websites, making phone calls and driving to see houses is a futile exercise at the moment - just like striking those wet matches again and again. What's the point in checking out short term rentals that are much more expensive than the temporary rentals I've already been offered?

I sense that I need to continue to do my part, so that I can completely trust God to do His part. So I will continue to search those real estate websites every week. That will be my way of laying those wet matches out in the light and warmth of God's loving attention. But I'll only pursue the ones that really look as if they could possibly be the long term answer, and not the ones that seem as if they'd only be a temporary solution anyway. As I continue to pursue the possible solutions, I can trust the Lord to "dry out the damp" (whatever those damp hindrances might be) and to bring about the right solution at the right time - whether it turns out to be one that looks possible or one that seemed totally impossible to me. 

Wisdom needed for the next steps...

I've dedicated my entire life to working with the emerging generations of children and youth... and to equipping workers to reach and disciple today's young people.

I was hoping to travel this year to teach in two PCYM (principles in child and youth ministry) training courses - one in Eastern Europe and the other in Western Europe. Sadly, my present circumstances (looking for a new home) have made it impossible for me to travel. However, that doesn't mean that my involvement in this important training ministry is cancelled....

Over the coming weeks (May and June) I will be teaching in a PCYM in Switzerland and another in Argentina, but I will be staying in Spain and doing the teaching over the internet by Zoom. One of the topics I'll be covering with the group in Switzerland is how to discern God's calling and direction for your own life and for the ministry you are involved in. (See title slide above.) Even as I prepare to share biblical principles and insights with the students, I'm very aware that wisdom for my next steps is also a very real need for myself at the moment.

There's still been no breakthrough when it comes to finding my new permanent home here in Spain, but a couple of temporary housing options have been offered to me. When I need to leave my present temporary accommodation in middle of May, I can move to a small one-roomed "apartment" at the home of an American missionary family here in town. That option can be my temporary home for around six weeks - until the end of June.

Somewhat to my surprise, I've also been offered a further short term option from July onwards. The American family introduced me to an English couple who run a Christian retreat centre out in the countryside of Malaga province and these people have said that I can rent a small cottage on their property if I'm still searching for my long term housing when the summer months come around. 

Although I feel incredibly thankful for these short term offers (which mean that I don't need to feel the constant pressure of having nowhere to go), it's nonetheless a bit disconcerting to contemplate the possibility that I might still be needing temporary housing as the summer advances.

And so, this is where I need wisdom for my next steps. Until now, I've been looking both at houses/flats for rent and houses for sale. I began by looking for long term rental accommodation, like I've always had in the past... However, recognising that current rental costs are considerably above my monthly support level, I've also been wondering whether God's long term solution would be for me to buy instead of renting, and whether renting will be only a short term solution - possibly until I can sell our house in Scotland and have that money to invest in buying a small home here. At the beginning of every week, I scroll through dozens of property websites to find the new listings - both of places to rent and places for sale.

But now I already have short term rental possibilities for the next three or four months.... rental accommodation that is with fellow Christians and that is within the budget of my present monthly income. What should my weekly home-hunting look like now?Should I keep phoning about flats to rent - even though their cost is double or triple the price of the short term housing that has already been offered to me? Should I focus more on looking at little places for sale.... in case God opens a door for that in the future? Should I be beginning a process of fund raising - trusting God to raise up new supporters to increase my monthly income for longer term rental costs ahead?

Please would you join me in praying that I'll know the right way to invest my time and energy? I've emailed, phoned and driven hundreds of kilometres in going to visit so many different flats and houses over the past four months that I've lost count of them all. Now that some short term options are assured, what should be my priority when it comes to finding the long term home that God has for me here?

Of peace and provision...

Over the weekend, I finished my reading of the letter to the Philippians, and this morning I began reading in the letter to the Galatians.

I was struck yesterday morning by the well known verse in Philippians 4: 7 - that we will experience God's peace, far beyond human understanding, if we follow the three simple instructions in vs 6:

1) don't worry about anything

2) pray about everything

3) be thankful for everything you already have.

These four months of searching for a new place to live have felt really long and have sometimes been stressful. I reflected on the fact that I've been doing pretty well on the whole with appropriating God's peace for the journey - during the first three weeks of the month, at least - but then the renewed weight of impending homelessness makes it harder to be at peace during the last week of the month: there are more tears, more questions, as the end of the month approaches.

But I do make a conscious choice not to give in to worry. I do present my concerns to the Lord in prayer. And I do place a value on living a lifestyle of thankfulness, often writing in my journal a list of the things I am grateful for. 

Yesterday, as the awareness of "only six days days left in my temporary accommodation" set in, I renewed my focus on those three things... and in the evening, just before bedtime, I got some welcome news: it turns out that guests won't be staying in this house for the whole month of May, but will only arrive after the wedding that is happening here on the 12th. That means that I don't need to move out of this temporary accommodation next weekend, but can stay an extra week and a half if I need to. What a huge relief that was, even if it only adds a few days to the time frame I still have for finding a longer term solution!

This morning, I read the first chapter of the letter to the Galatians. In vs 6, the writer, Paul, alludes to a theme that he will unpack later in the book. The Galatian believers have been turning away from the true gospel of total dependence on God, and have embraced an alternative path that is based on human reasoning, with lots of rules and regulations.

I remembered a sudden thought that had come to me yesterday when I was walking to church: I may not be following a false gospel like the Galatians did, but in my search for a new home, am I limiting myself to things that are "humanly possible," instead of taking risks and expecting God to do things that are completely impossible? Although, in my search for a rental property, I'm enquiring about and visiting places where the rent is equal to my total monthly income, am I believing, for example, that it would be irresponsible for me to go above that threshold? As I consider the fact that buying a home might be the only solution to the current rental crisis, am I believing that this step in impossible for me until our house in Scotland is sold... instead of believing that God could provide in other ways if He chose to?

Those questions gave me a lot to think and pray about. I already feel that I'm living "on the edge" during these months, so it was a wild thought to consider that God might want me to take an even bigger risk in some area.

So, as I renew the search again this week, searching the new property listings online, making phone calls, driving around the region..... my prayer is that I will have renewed sensitivity to what God is saying and to what is on his heart for me. 

Sticking together...

Four months of looking for a new place to live have been challenging. Being completely without a home and having to depend on the hospitality and generosity of others is a very vulnerable and humbling experience. One of the things I'm incredibly grateful for is that the lady who has offered me temporary shelter for April was willing to let me bring my dog and cat with me. Being homeless alone is hard enough; trying to find shelter for my pets would have made things even harder.

If you click on the photo above, it will take you to a little music video that I've made this month with my border collie. There’s a line in the song that says, “Sometimes things don’t go as planned,” and that’s certainly been true for us this year as we’ve ended up spending April in this temporary accommodation. But at least we could stick together (another line from the song) and, when I wasn't busy with ministry commitments or with house hunting, the garden of our temporary home provided a pretty backdrop for us to film these games, tricks and times of practising our canine dance steps. Hope you enjoy it! 

Can being "stuck" ever bring blessing?

 
This morning in my personal time with God, I moved to the New Testament and began reading the letter to the Philippians. Paul is writing the letter from prison - circumstances that look like a defeat and a hindrance to his being able to preach the gospel. Yet he writes in verse 12, "I want you to know that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the good news." He's referring of course to the fact that the whole imperial guard knows he's in chains for his faith.

I'm not literally imprisoned like Paul was, but I've had a heavy sense of being "imprisoned" by circumstances, feeling "stuck" because my situation of homelessness seems to have been an obstacle to ministry plans that I believed God had for me this year. I wasn't able to travel to a European leaders' gathering in the UK or to a KKI international leaders' gathering in the USA. I was prevented from accepting an invitation to teach in the Child and Youth Ministry School in Eastern Europe, and now it also looks as if I also won't be able to travel to Switzerland next month to teach in the same PCYM school there. 

But is my "captivity" advancing the gospel or being an obstacle to it? It certainly feels to me as if my circumstances are hindering my ministry, rather than advancing it. It feels as if my situation is a negative testimony of God's ability to care and provide for me.  My situation is not unique to me (see the post below this one) but as my friends and neighbours look on, they're not exactly seeing any evidence that God is bigger than our circumstances (something that I believe with all my heart.)

Paul believes that the prayers of his friends and the work of the Holy Spirit will bring about a good outcome in the end. (Phil 1: 19)

But, in vs 20, he says that he refuses to be ashamed; he knows that his life can still bring glory to God, even if it ends in the apparent defeat of his being put to death. "Don't be intimidated," he tells the believers in vs 28 - 29. Even our struggles and suffering are a privilege as we follow Jesus.

Today I got a text message from an old neighbour - someone that I've seen very little over the past two or three years. "I know that God is with you," she wrote, "and you'll always have a friend in me." That message came as a complete surprise.

On Sunday, my former neighbour, Matilde, send me a little picture (here on the right) which says, "Trust in God's plans for your life. He doesn't need your help; He just needs your faith to activate them. God bless you."

Last week, when I invited Matilde and Marta for lunch, I prayed to give thanks before we ate the meal. Just as I finished my prayer, Matilde also spoke up: "And God, we ask you to provide a house for Barbara and the animals that will be suitable for the long term." I almost couldn't believe my ears... as I heard my not-yet-believing neighbour pray out loud at the table.

Other non-believing friends and neighbours have also been making comments like, "God will give you a miracle at the right time," or, "I'm praying for you."

Yes, even as I feel that my life is completely failing to present any evidence of God's miraculous power at work, these are my not-yet-Christian friends who are praying and making reference to His existence!!

And so I can completely trust that God is more than able to defend His own reputation and that He will get glory from this situation in the end. It feels horrible and vulnerable to keep trying every day without ever seeing a breakthrough... but it doesn't change the fact that God can still use the situation to advance the gospel.

Government intervention...

Over the past four months, my house hunting situation has seemed hopeless and even impossible, but I've been aware it wasn't in any way unique to me. I kept hearing about other people, including friends from church, who were finding it completely impossible to find a place to stay... and a few of my dog walking friends also had to move to other towns because they could find nothing in this area.

Last night, I read a couple of interesting newspaper articles that told of how even the Spanish government sees this situation as impossible, and is stepping in to try to remedy it by passing a new law.

Here's the article in English if you're interested in knowing more, and here is the longer article in Spanish. But let me summarise what's probably going to happen in the course of this year.

Basically, the government recognises that there are many parts of the country where it is becoming impossible for ordinary people to rent a home. They are calling these towns and regions "stressed" housing areas, which basically means that the average cost of renting a house or flat, and paying the bills, is generally more than 30% of a normal person's income. 

The new law, which still needs final approval by Parliament, will make it no longer possible for real estate agents or insurance companies to demand that a prospective renter give proof of a ridiculously unrealistic salary in order to be able to rent a place to live.  It will also rule that it's the home owner who needs to pay the estate agent's fees and not the renter.

(At the moment, to rent a tiny flat at a monthly cost of €1000, they want you to prove a salary of at least €3000. Then, if you manage to surmount that obstacle, they expect you to pay a two month deposit on top of the first month's rent, and also to pay the equivalent of a month's rent in fees to the real estate agent. That means that, if you do manage to find a place to rent, they are expecting you to pay something between €4000 and €8000 in the first month... or even more if you're renting a big villa!)

It will probably take most of this year for the law to be passed and to be worked out in practice, but it will be good news for people like myself who have been finding it impossible to meet the requirements to take on a rental contract.

Of sabbath and sabbatical...

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time. it'll be no secret to you that I place a very high value on the biblical principle of sabbath rest. Not in the stereotypical way of saying it's wrong to cook or do the gardening on a Sunday.... but grappling more deeply with what God really wanted for us when He emphasised the importance of Sabbath in the Bible.

Doing a search of this blog will turn up more than a dozen posts relating to sabbath. Here are just a few of them, spanning the years from 2013 to 2017:

It's all about saving lives.

Getting on my soapbox.

Manna ... and the value of rest.

Total dependence.

So, if sabbath is such a high value to me, you might be surprised to discover that I've never taken a single "sabbatical" during more than forty years of being a missionary. That might seem incongruous to you, but in fact it's precisely because of my commitment to sabbath that I've never felt the need to take a longer time off work in order to rest and recover.

Let me explain... I believe that sabbath means more than just one day off every week, or a whole sabbatical year every seven or ten years. Although we first encounter sabbath in the Old Testament paradigm of not working, cooking, walking, etc, on the seventh day of the week, I believe that God's intention for the sabbath principle was to teach us not to strive: not to act as if everything depends on us, but to acknowledge our total dependence on Him and our need to take times of rest that allow us to focus on our relationship with Him and with others.

We rightly focus on a "day of rest" each week, but I believe it's also important to think in terms of times of rest each day, each month, each year.

So, even in a busy season, I take care not to work non stop all day. I don't skip church because "there's work to be done." I try to plan in a free day each month when I can go for a trip or a hike with the dogs, or take a personal retreat with the Lord. When I worked in Africa, I planned a whole month every year when I would go home to visit my family and my home church in Scotland. I tried to build the sabbath principle into all of my life and the lives of those I led. (If we'd just spent three intensive weeks on a summer outreach, we'd close down our youth ministry centre for a few days so that our staff could rest, do their laundry, write their newsletter, meet up with friends and spend quality time with God.)

And so, here I am, having served several decades as a missionary, but never having taken an extended time off for a sabbatical.

What do we mean by "sabbatical," anyway? Well, typically it's a longer than usual break from work in order to refocus and be refreshed. Sometimes people take a sabbatical in order to study or get some further training to equip them for their ministry calling. Sometimes they take time out because they feel called to write a book. Sometimes people take a sabbatical for family reasons or health reasons. Sometimes it's because they want to travel and broaden their perspective on life and ministry. And sometimes, especially during transitions, people take a sabbatical time in order to debrief, to rest and reflect on their future steps.

So, why am I writing about this today? Am I about to tell you that I feel it's finally time for me to take a sabbatical?

No, that's not the reason for this post. I feel, in this older stage of my life, that I have a healthy pace of life, with a good balance of work and ministry commitments alongside dedicated times for rest, recreation and retreat times with God...

... but this horrible home-hunting season is beginning to make me feel that I'm subject to a kind of "forced sabbatical" when it comes to my travel plans. I've already missed two leadership gatherings, one European and one International, that I would normally have attended. I had to turn down an invitation to teach in the PCYM school in Eastern Europe and now there's a question mark above my plans to teach in the PCYM school in Western Europe. It's as if all my ministry travel needs to be put on hold because my home situation just isn't stable enough to allow me to leave the country.

In recent days, I've even been wondering if I need to make it official. Not a full-on sabbatical in the usual sense of the word, because I have all sorts of online ministry commitments, training courses and coaching sessions throughout this year. But I've been asking myself whether I need to accept that I'm on a sort of "travel sabbatical" until my housing situation is resolved. It's kind of demoralising to spend time preparing to teach in a training course and then discover that being homeless makes it impossible for you to travel.

I don't really understand why something as ordinary as finding a place to live is encroaching so much on the seemingly more spiritual and important tasks of teaching and leading... but I do recognise that the personal one needs to be resolved in order for me to give my total attention to all kinds of ministry invitations again.

So it's simply a question that I'm asking myself this week...
 

Open doors ... closed doors...

Yesterday was a strange and complex day on the house hunting horizon. The first thing that happened was that someone asked to speak to me after church. In a sombre tone, this man explained to me that he and his wife were separating.... she was returning to their own country while he was going to stay on in Spain for a couple of years. Then he planned also to return to his home nation - where and when they would again seek reconciliation and the restoration of their marriage. In the meantime, he/they wondered if I would be interested in sharing the large Spanish home they'd been renting: I'd have my own area of the house and my rent would be the same as I've been paying over the past decade. It looked like an open door...

It probably goes without saying that I turned down this unusual offer. For my entire life, I've clung to the biblical value of "avoiding the appearance of evil," and I had no sense that God was saying it was time to compromise that now. It was definitely a closed door for me.

Last night, I dedicated a couple of hours to my usual Sunday evening and Monday morning task: searching through every single estate agent's website that exists, looking for possible rental flats that I could go to view this week. Usually there are a handful of possibilities that I can phone on Monday morning. They either give me an appointment, say they'll phone back with an appointment, or they give me the usual rejection due to my not meeting the "requirements."

But last night, despite expanding my search to every little town and village in the region, there was just nothing. Nada! Not even a single possibility that I could phone for a visit. I know it's because spring is the time that people begin to try to rent out their properties by the week, rather than the month. Why accept a tenant who'll pay rent of €1000 a month when you could have multiple holidaymakers paying €1000 a week all summer? It definitely seemed to be another closed door.... but, of course, I'll go through the whole process again this morning - in case there are some new listings on some of the websites.

Close to bedtime, I got a text message from a missionary family that attends my church. "We're praying for you," they said, "and asking the Lord if there's any way we can help. Would you be interested in living with us if there was a separate apartment with its own entrance?"

Turns out the big house that they're renting has a little one-roomed "granny flat" in the garden. If their landlord agreed, it could be a short term housing solution while I continue to wait for breakthrough both here and in Scotland. It seems it could be an open door, at least for the short term...

Open doors, closed doors... and sometimes the open doors end up closing when investigated. This morning, I'm again praying my Canadian friend's breath prayer (read about it here): Father, I trust you to open a door for me.

Not by force...

I've been reading the Old Testament book of Zechariah this weekend, and today I came to that well known verse in chapter four: It will not happen by force, nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord.

The Hebrew words חַיִל chayil and כֹּחַ kôach mean force, strength, army or wealth. Victory in the situation Zechariah was writing about was not going to come about by wealth, influence or military force, but only by God's Spirit, רוּחַ . That word, ruach, literally means breath... which sounds so unsubstantial compared to power or military might... but God describes Himself as the Lord of Heaven's armies - Yahweh Tsâbâ.

Strangely, if you look it up in a Hebrew dictionary, that word tsâbâ, translated hundreds of times in the Bible as hosts, war, soldiers or army, is also used three times to mean "appointed time." God is the Lord of Hosts, but He is also the Lord of the appointed time.

I had to tell Him this morning that I am struggling with the timing of things at the moment: I'm struggling with the fact that I was supposed to be out of my previous home at the end of February... and now it's the middle of April and I still don't have a new place to live. It doesn't feel like "perfect timing" from my human perspective.

In this search for a new home, I sometimes worry that I'm "not doing enough" and wonder if there is something else I need to do. But if it's anything like Zerubbabel's situation in this chapter, the breakthrough won't happen through force or strength or wealth... but only by the Spirit of the "Lord of the appointed time.

The next verse, Zechariah 4:7 speaks of a mountain, an unsurmountable obstacle, being removed. Through the prophet Zechariah, God was telling Zerubbabel that not even a mighty mountain could stand in his way, because God was going to flatten that mountain into a level plain before him. 

I was reflecting on these verses just this weekend, as the words of an old song were coming to me, a song that our KKI young people recorded on one of the worship albums we released in the 1990s when I was based in Paisley. "This mountain shall be removed... and what I've promised shall be done... not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord."

You can listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipVyhXDDwYc When we ministered in churches, two of our young people would sing the song, while two others in the team would express it through sign language and creative movements.

In fact, the words that were coming to me this week were specifically from the second verse of the song: "I can see your heart is tired and your courage has worn thin. You wonder how long you will have to hang on... but when my love comes in you'll be strong again."

"Courage" is another way that those Hebrew words mentioned above (chayil and kôach) are translated in the Bible... and it's a relief to know that the breakthrough doesn't depend on that, because this morning I was telling the Lord that I feel my courage really has "worn thin" this year.

So I can take courage in the fact that, as it did for Zechariah and Zerubbabel, victory for me will not usually come by strength, courage or force, but more likely from the sovereign breath of the Spirit of God.

Read on below to discover another principle found that same chapter of Zechariah.

Small beginnings...

Another principle that we find in chapter four of Zechariah is that we shouldn't undervalue or look down on small beginnings. Anyone who has ever planted a tree (as we do in our Planting Together project in West Africa) knows that the seedling doesn't look at all impressive in the beginning. When we planted those thousands of acacia trees in the north of Senegal, they were only a few inches high. Yet, by the time we went back for the tenth or eleventh year, those trees were much taller than we were.

It can be like that with many things in life, but I specifically have lots of memories of how I've seen the principle in action in our mission settings. Just this week, I was thinking about "Project PowerLink" - a ministry that we launched in Cape Town. The vision was to serve township kids from informal settlements (squatter camp communities) by equipping them with skills that would prepare them to get a job, earn a living and provide for their future families. In particular, we wanted to offer:

1. life skills training (budgeting, planning, conflict resolution, personal hygiene and self care, avoiding AIDS, staying out of gangs, forming good friendships, and the opportunity also to have a friendship with God.)

2. English language classes - as the ability to speak English is a valuable skill when it comes to finding employment.

3. Computer skills - another valuable ability to have when looking for a job.

The third part of the PowerLink vision was slow to get off the ground, as we simply didn't see provision of all the computers we wanted to have for the project. Finally, we decided that we needed just to step out with the little we had. We invited a handful of teenagers to a "camp" in our own home, where we taught them basic computer skills on our three old office computers, together with biblically based discipleship activities and discussions. Recently I found an old (pre-digital) photo from that time, with the girls proudly holding up their "certificates" earned by carrying out specific tasks on the computer. Definitely a "small beginning," and not particularly impressive at all. But it was a beginning, and by the following year we had seen provision of a dedicated computer lab with 16 computers where we were able to work with around 700 children and youth every week.

I can remember so many experiences like that over my decades as a missionary - times when we stepped out and made a small beginning that was nothing like the bigger vision that God had placed on our hearts - and I wonder if sometimes the same principle is at work in our personal lives.

This morning I had a random memory of one of the flats where we lived in Muizenberg (seaside town in the south of Cape Town.) I remembered that when we moved in, we owned no table or chairs, so we had to sit on the floor around a small square side table to eat or meals. We used to joke, in that same accommodation, that my friend Helen had to "sleep on a cupboard" because her bedroom, a converted balcony was so small that there was no space for a bed and she simply placed her mattress on top of a wooden cupboard!

It strikes me today that I again have no table and chairs at this stage of my life in Spain. I gave mine away several years ago because a dining room table and chairs were already present in the house that I was renting, the one I lived in for the past thirteen years. 

But I do have other furniture - furniture that right now is stored in someone's basement garage - and how I hope it won't need to sit there for a long time.

But today, just as I already began asking myself at the beginning of the year (see this post from 3rd January), I'm wondering what it means for me in my current situation to "step out with what I have" and not to despise the day of small beginnings.

What about you? Where do you need to step out this week, instead of waiting for things to be ideal or perfect? Like this Israelites who stepped into the flooding Jordan river (in Joshua chapter 3), sometimes we don't see the way ahead until we have the courage to take the first step.
 

Do you believe in good luck and bad luck?

This has been a strange week: fairly encouraging and productive on a personal and ministry level... but challenging and very discouraging on a house-hunting level.

After everything being closed here for the Easter holiday week, shops, offices and estate agents were open again this week - which allowed me to resume my search for a new place to live.

The week seemed to get off to a good start. Until now, one of the biggest challenge is that estate agents wouldn't even allow me to view properties unless I could prove a "salary" of thousands of euros. This week, a handful of the possibilities I called said that they would phone me back with a time to go and see the flat...

... except that it didn't happen. When I got no calls, I sent text messages and left voice messages, but there's been nothing but silence this week. I haven't seen a single house... and when I finally got one lady on the phone, she told me the flat had already been rented out. What a singularly unproductive week!

Then, this morning, while doing my supermarket shopping, I ran into an English lady, an old dog-walking friend that I hadn't seen for a few months. As we got talking and I explained why she's not seeing me in the old neighbourhood any more, she replied, "Oh, I wish I'd known. We have two flats that we rent out and we just let one of them last week!"

I couldn't believe my ears. That seemed incredibly "bad luck" ... or could it be that God didn't open that door for me because He still has something better in mind? I so hope that's the case, because it's really hard to reach the middle of April and still have no options at all on the horizon.

An explanation discovered...

Since I discovered back in January that it's impossible to get a rental contract unless you can prove a very high monthly salary, I've been a little puzzled by this guideline. Surely the people who are looking to rent a house or flat are the ones who can't afford to buy a home for themselves. Yet the new rules mean that only the relatively rich can afford to rent a place to live in. This week, I discovered the reason for this perplexing situation. 

A long time acquaintance, whose good friend has two apartments to rent, asked her friend if she would waive the "must prove a salary" requirement and allow me to view the apartments... but the friend explained to her why that's not possible:

After losing so much money during the pandemic, it's now common for home owners to have an insurance policy to cover them if tenants default on the rent... or to ask prospective tenants themselves to take out a "seguro de impago de alquiler" - an insurance policy that covers you if for any reason you are unable to pay your rent (which is what happened when people became unemployed during the pandemic.) So now, it's usually the insurance companies that are insisting on proof of salary, refusing to insure the property or insure the tenant unless prospective tenants can prove that their monthly salary is thousands more than the actual rental contract.

In other words, the only hope of my finding a flat or house to rent is if the owner has not committed to one of those insurance policies or is not requiring that the tenant takes out a "seguro de impago de alquiler." That's not very common nowadays, as home owners are seeking to protect themselves from the negative experiences of losing money during the pandemic.

And so it leaves me with huge questions about the way forward: if renting is really becoming an impossible housing solution for me, that leaves buying as the only option for the future. Is that what I should be pursuing? But it's completely impossible until we see a breakthrough with the insurance company of our home in Scotland.... and even then I would still need a miracle to be able to find something here.

It's good to have an explanation of why all doors seem closed... but knowing the reasons is still not opening any doors for me as we swiftly move towards the middle of this month in temporary accommodation.

What sort of miracle should I be trusting for?

Thoughts of going fishing?

There's a well known Bible account that happened around the time of the very first Easter, and it's found in John's gospel, chapter 21.

The context of the story is that Peter and the other disciples had spent three years following Jesus, believing Him to be the Messiah and Deliverer that God had promised to the nation of Israel. What shock and disillusionment they must have faced when it all came to a sudden end... when their leader was arrested and put to death.

They soon discovered, however, that Jesus didn't stay dead... that He was supernaturally resurrected and was now alive again. We read about those discoveries in John chapter 20. It seems, though, that this knowledge of the risen Christ wasn't really making much difference to the hard reality of their daily lives... a reality where they could no longer eat and talk and cry and laugh with their ever present Friend. No longer did they listen to His teaching every day; no longer did He send them out to preach the gospel and heal the sick... It must have felt like their lives had no purpose any more.

We don't know how many days had passed since that resurrection Sunday, but a time came when Peter couldn't take it any more, and longed to return to something secure and familiar. "I'm going fishing," he announced, and the six disciples who were with him said, "We'll go with you."

If you've read that chapter in the Bible, you'll know that their return to "earning a living" didn't go particularly well and they didn't catch any fish at all.... until an early morning encounter with the risen Jesus saw them haul in an amazing catch. Over breakfast on the beach, Jesus reminded all of them, and Peter in particular, that they were no longer called to be fishermen, but to be "fishers of men."

While walking the dogs this morning, I was reflecting on the thoughts and emotions that probably led Peter to decide, "I'm going fishing." When things in life just aren't working out, it's a natural reaction to want to return to something safe and familiar.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post (this one - click here to read it) when it became obvious that new rules were going to make it difficult for me to find a flat or house to rent, more than one well-meaning person asked me whether I couldn't take a job to supplement my income... go back to something I know, like teaching English or tutoring French, in order to bring in more money towards the cost of renting a flat nowadays.

Of course, unless I actually have a contract with a language school, (and therefore a "salary") having more income won't in itself make a big difference to my situation. I'd still be unable to give proof of monthly wages. The other problem with seeking a job as a solution is that it could very well end up being a case of, "I'm going fishing," one that will not be particularly successful if it isn't God's will, and one that might actually prevent me from doing the missionary work I feel called to do.

On more than one occasion, I've asked myself, what would I do if I weren't a missionary, if I weren't waiting for God to open the right door and to provide a new home for me. And I suppose the answer is that I'd do exactly what Peter did. I'd find a job, or I'd go self-employed with teaching or coaching, so that I could find and settle in a new home. When "nothing seems to be happening," I can totally understand that the obvious thing to do is to return to the familiar and do whatever's in your own power to see the situation resolved.

On our walk this morning, the dogs and I walked the same circuit several times. You can't see it clearly on our GPS map, but we actually walked around the same loops two or three times in different directions. It felt symbolic of my house hunting journey over these last three months: covering the same ground, "going in circles" and discovering that the landscape is basically the same at every turn.

I don't feel a lot of emotional energy for covering that same ground again during April... embarking on a fourth month of making dozens of phone calls, driving hundreds of kilometres, spending hours searching on real estate websites.... but it's the only wisdom I have... and I don't want to say, "I'm going fishing," unless I know for sure that God is inviting me to take up fishing.

So, on this Easter Sunday, I seek to stay close to Jesus, like the disciples did during that seaside breakfast, and to trust that He will guide me clearly in the days and weeks ahead.

 

Easter and expectations...

It's my daily custom to wake up early - around 6 am or slightly earlier. I get up to feed the cat and dog, I make myself a cup of coffee, and then I go back to bed or to a chair where I read my Bible and journal on my own reflections and on what God is saying to me through the reading. If I'm on the bed, the cat usually joins me. The dog isn't normally allowed on the bed, but one day this week she tried to climb up too; I let her come up and lie next to me, as it seemed that she too was seeking some companionship and comfort in this strange season we're going through.

And so, today is Easter Sunday. I guess we're "supposed" to wake up with a sense of joy and celebration, ready to celebrate the resurrection of our Saviour... but those weren't my first thoughts today, or the first reflections that I wrote in my journal...

And so it seemed even more important than ever to continue with my Sunday habit of writing down at least ten or a dozen things I am thankful for. Living with a spirit of gratitude is such an antidote to the stress, worry or discouragement that could so easily engulf our days... whether that's our tendency by personality or whether those feelings are triggered by unusual circumstances.

As always, writing my short and incomplete list renews my awareness that God is good - His mercies are "new every morning" - and I have so much to be thankful for. And yet, this particular Easter, I was still aware of feeling rather heavy hearted.

Part of my Bible reading this morning was about letting go of our expectations: not being so focused on the things that we want or need that we miss the things God has prepared for us right here and now. God knows the desires of our hearts and He also knows the best way to reach them. Our first priority should be simply to delight in Him and His goodness. (Psalm 37:4)

I remember, several decades ago when I lived in Cape Town, that one of our PCYM students did a study on the biblical meaning of the word, "delight." She discovered that the Hebrew word used in Psalm 37 is עָנַג - ʿānaḡ. If you look it up in a dictionary, you'll discover that it literally means to be soft and pliable.  "Delighting" ourselves in the Lord means being at rest, willingly submitting to His will and ways.

I'm willing - with all my heart - to embrace the unknown and leave my life completely in God's hands, but I have to confess that the idea of possibly still being homeless beyond this month is absolutely terrifying. I don't know, at my stage of life, if I have the strength and resilience for that. I can only hold on to God's promise (1 Cor 10: 13) that we will not be tested or tempted beyond what we can bear. Right now, it feels to me as if I'm reaching the limit of what I can carry; the weight of it often feels too heavy for me. All I know to do is to keep giving that weight back into God's hands.

I suppose those first Christians also woke up on that first Easter Sunday with heavy hearts. Jesus had risen, but they didn't know it yet. They would only discover it in the course of the day.

Perhaps there are things I don't know; things I will only discover in the course of this day, this week, this month... Till then, I choose to trust you, Lord.

Who will move the stone for us?

In my prayer times this week, I've been telling the Lord that I feel at the end of my resources; that I feel I need someone stronger to help me/us shift the obstacles as I face two seemingly impossible situations - one with our house in Scotland and the other with my lack of a house here in Spain. So an Easter devotional, emailed to me yesterday by a friend, really caught my attention, because it was about some women who were asking the very same question.

In Mark 16: 1 - 4, we read a short account of three women, two Marys and Salome, who - after an emotionally stressful week -were making their way to the garden tomb. I can only imagine how grief-stricken and disappointed they were feeling. Despite all that had happened in that emotionally charged week, despite all the things that Jesus Himself had said about dying, perhaps they'd been hoping that it wouldn't really come to that.

But it had: there had been no eleventh hour reprieve, and Jesus was dead now. Their loss was real and painful, and so they were making their way to the tomb to anoint the body for a proper burial. And as they walked, they were asking each other, "Who will roll away the stone for us?" because they knew that they weren't strong enough and were incapable of doing it themselves.

That's what I've been asking this week - with regard to both my Spanish and my Scottish situation. "Who can move away these obstacles that, despite three months of time and effort, I am not strong enough or capable enough to do for myself?"

Of course, in the Bible passage and in the devotional sent to me, when the women get to the tomb, they discover that the stone has already been rolled aside. God has been at work, even when the women were unaware of it.

This morning I asked the Lord whether the experience of those women is something that I can take as a promise for myself. Is He already working in the background to remove the challenges that right now seem insurmountable to me? Right now, I'm only seeing the lack of breakthroughs, the huge "rock" in my path, and I'm asking, "Who will move this huge obstacle out of the way?"

There's a Bible verse, 2 Corinthians 5 vs 7, that says we walk by faith and not by sight. I'm very aware of not walking by sight at the moment: there seems to be no way forward, no end in sight. This morning I read another devotional that was about clinging to the Father's hand, even when the journey feels overwhelming and the path ahead of us is veiled in uncertainty; it was about trusting that the Lord really is guiding our steps, even when those steps start to feel random to us.

"Though you may not know the way you should go, you do know the One who is the Way," wrote the author... and, "Talk with me about your uncertainty, your fear of making wrong decisions."

I'm part of a mission that is known worldwide for placing value on the priority of hearing and obeying God's voice. I believe that one of the most important things we can teach our children and youth is how to recognise the voice of God...

Yet, after three months of seeing no breakthrough in these two housing situations, it's easy to start wondering if you've misunderstood what you heard and to be concerned that you might be making some wrong decisions along the way.

One decision that can never be wrong, however, is the choice to keep clinging to God's hand and to walk step by step with Him.

When I was googling pictures of the tomb - to illustrate this blog post - almost all of the pictures showed a tomb with a large stone rolled to the side, exposing an open doorway and the evidence of a risen Jesus. It was hard to find a photo that showed the stone as an obstacle still blocking the doorway. We rightly focus on the events of that Sunday morning and the victory that we will celebrate this coming Easter weekend. We don't like to dwell on the events of the Saturday, when death seemed final and the tomb was tightly sealed.

Right now, I feel as if I'm living through that "Easter Saturday," where the stone is still a weighty barrier and there's been no exciting miracle yet... All that I know to do is hold God's hand as I continue this rather perplexing journey.

Seeking first the Kingdom..

If you've moved in Christian circles for any length of time. there's a good chance that you can recite Matthew 6: 33 by heart. The verse contains words that were spoken by Jesus Himself: "Seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness, and all these other things will be given to you as well." 

What are "all the other things" that Jesus was referring to? In the context, if you read verses 25 - 32, He's speaking about life's basic needs: what you will eat and drink, what clothes you will wear, where you will live...  Jesus is saying that if we make the Kingdom of God our primary focus, our Heavenly Father will make sure that we have all of those other things too.

So, yesterday in my morning prayer time, I was telling the Lord that it's beginning to feel as if this verse is turned on its head. The process of finding a new place to live is dominating so much of my time and energy, that it's beginning to feel as if it's "stealing" time that could otherwise be dedicated to ministry, to extending the Kingdom of God.

For example, I'm supposed to be going to Switzerland in May to teach in a training school for ministry with children, youth and families. The arrangement was made in the middle of last year... but now I'm in a situation where I can't confirm my plane ticket to Switzerland because of my "homeless" status here in Spain. I can't simply take off to another country, leaving my worldly belongings in someone's garage and my pets in someone's spare room!!

So, it's hard. I want the Kingdom of God to be my primary focus, but the very real need of a place to live keeps creeping in and demanding major attention. I pray with all my heart that the situation will soon be resolved and that I can get on with doing more of the things that God has called me to do.

Camping in the place of springs...

I am very thankful to God and to my missionary hostess that I have a place to live during the month of April. With the rather tumultuous move now behind us, we're beginning to settle into our temporary home.

Maiki (the dog) is enjoying, for the first time in her life, having a garden to run and play in. Teddi (the cat) on the other hand, is only slowly getting his confidence back. The move really disrupted his safe little world, and for all of the first day he huddled catatonic (no pun intended) under a chair. He's beginning to venture out a little bit now and, although he spends most of his time hiding under the bed, today he made it obvious that he wanted to see out of the window. I realised that the poor boy had no idea of where he was; at his old home he could lie on the balcony and watch the world go by in the street below... but now, for several scary days, he had never seen outside of the strange new house we brought him to.  So, this morning, while I was reading my Bible, I let him look out at the neighbourhood from my high up bedroom window.

As for me, I feel a little bit as if I'm still camping: my clothes are in suitcases and boxes; I had to go down to the garage to hunt for my nail clippers; my coffee machine is sitting in the bathroom; I bought only three potatoes at the supermarket because I have nowhere to store a whole bag; I can't find the chondroitin tablets I take to relieve my arthritis....

Don't get me wrong! I'm not complaining at all. I am very thankful for a place to stay. I'm just also very aware of the fact that this is only temporary and that the search for my "real home" needs to continue throughout this month.

Life feels "on hold," but not all ministry is on hold. Today we begin the online "children at risk" training course that will continue regularly over the next six months. Other coaching appointments, leadership meetings and outreach planning times are all continuing amidst the "camping." 

This morning, I happened to read the Bible verse that says, "My times are in your hands." (Psalm 31: 15) A sidebar devotional spoke about God being in charge of the "timing" in our lives; about how we can trust Him with both the "whats" and the "whens." I do trust Him, but I also realise that trusting the timing is more challenging when there are deadlines hanging over you. I choose to walk in His peace and not to give place to worry or panic today.

Maiki goes to church...

It's Palm Sunday, a sunny and very windy day here in southern Spain. My host and some of her friends walked into town, to drink coffee there and watch the Palm Sunday procession, only the first of many elaborate processions that will happen here during Holy Week. 

Maiki and I walked to the town centre with them, but then we headed back to the house again so that I could get ready for church. I looked around the house, though, and suddenly thought perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to leave Maiki "home alone" on her first day in a new place. Several of the doors here have beautiful door stops that look like stuffed animals - a chicken, a dog, a deer... I didn't want to think that Maiki would start exploring, mistake these animals for new toys and joyfully begin to rip their insides out (as she tends to do with teddy bears and other fluffy toys.) The only solution was to leave Teddi home alone and to take Maiki to church with me!!

And so, Maiki went to her first church service today. She behaved very well - standing when we were asked to stand, and sitting when we were asked to sit. I suspect that few visitors to the church have received such a warm welcome from the congregation. Probably several dozen people came to greet her and tell her how good she'd been. (I have to confess, though, I think I may have spotted her sleeping a little during the preaching.)

She'll get used to the animal door stops this week and I'll be able to leave her at home with Teddi when I go to our special church service on Thursday evening.

Beginning to move..... a tumultuous start...

 It's official! Our home of many years is no longer the place we'll call home.  Yesterday we handed back the keys and the three of us moved to our temporary accommodation. 

In fact, the move began on Thursday, but things didn't exactly go smoothly. I had spent the day packing up the last bits and pieces. and at 6 pm, three friends came with a van for the big move. We loaded up half of the furniture, together with lots of boxes and suitcases, and off they went to where my things were to be stored.

You won't believe it, but when they got there, there was some kind of power cut and so the remove control for the big entrance gate wouldn't work. There was no way they could drive onto the property to offload my belongings at the basement storage space. As time was limited (two of the helpers were recently-arrived African refugees who needed to be at their Spanish class by 8.30) all they could do was leave all my things sitting in the street while they came back to get the second load. 

The second load of furniture and boxes made its way to the new house, but the gate could not be opened and so a second pile of things was let on the street in the new neighbourhood. There was little time left before nightfall, and my helpers needed to leave to attend their class and return the rented van.

With a sinking heart, all I could do was phone a couple of church friends to see if anyone was available to help at such short notice. What a relief and a blessing it was when four people arrived to carry things through the smaller gate and all the way down the slope to the basement storage area.

It meant, though, that quite a number of things got left behind at the old house, and there was no time left to move the dog and cat over to their new and temporary home. We ended up having to spend Thursday night "camping" in the old house - all three of us sleeping on an old mattress on the floor.

Read on below for day two of the adventure...