The best way to help...

The 23rd chapter of 1st Samuel is the story of a manhunt, as King Saul pursues David, ruthless in his attempts to find and kill him. But this morning, my attention was caught by a little verse right in the middle of the chapter. While David is in danger and in hiding, his closest friend goes to see him, and it says in 1 Samuel 23:16 that Jonathan helped him find strength in God. I like this little verse because it expresses something of my heart's desire when it comes to discipling and mentoring others.

It's so easy to make people dependent on us by becoming the source of their comfort, support and counsel when they're in a hard place. It can even be possible to "over-sympathise" with someone's pain and struggle, and end up reinforcing them in their self-pity, pessimism and passivity. Or perhaps we go to the other extreme and start to avoid the person because we feel embarrassed and awkward in the face of our own helplessness to do something about their ongoing anguish or pain. What Jonathan did is the very best way to help: he didn't simply put an arm around David's shoulder and cry with him (although there's nothing wrong with doing that.) He didn't jump in and try to solve the problem for him. He didn't start to criticise and gossip about the person who was causing all the trouble for David. Instead, he pointed him back to the Lord, helping David to find comfort, wisdom and strength in his own relationship with God.

Perhaps Jonathan did that by praying with his friend; perhaps he did it by reminding him of who God is. In vs 17 we see that he did it by reminding David of God's plans and purposes for him - the destiny that God had spoken over his life. All in all, Jonathan helped David to stay dependent on God. David didn't draw his strength from Jonathan or from their friendship; he was helped to find his strength in God. This is the best thing we can do for our friends, the best way to truly help them for life and not just for now.

Some years later, when facing devastating losses at the hands of the Amalekites (even though we read that David wept until he had no tears left and no strength left to cry - 1 Sam 30: 4), we also read that David knew how to strengthen himself in the Lord his God. (1 Sam 30: 6) Perhaps part of the reason he was able to do this was because he had had a good friend who helped him always to find his strength in God.