In the previous chapter (Luke chapter 18) there are some episodes that illustrate how little we know our own hearts. For example, there's the story of two men praying in the temple. One, a tax collector, humbly prays for God's mercy and forgiveness, while the other, a Pharisee, arrogantly thanks God that he is not a "sinner" as the tax collector is. This second man, a religious man, was completely blind to the pride in his own heart.
Earlier this week, I had a strange and perplexing experience when a friend thought that I was showing the same attitude as this Pharisee. In all sincerity, I had written something in an email exchange, expressing surprise at something that had been shared in a group conversation, but my friend interpreted my comments as a thinly-veiled accusation - a way of implying that I was superior to the particular temptation we'd been discussing. It was all a misunderstanding, and was quickly cleared up, but it reminded me again of how different we all are in our approach to life, and how much we all need the Holy Spirit to help us know our own hearts.
In that same chapter of Luke's gospel, we read the account of a rich young man who came to Jesus, asking what he needed to do to inherit eternal life. When Jesus reminded him of the ten commandments, the young man replied, "I've obeyed all these commandments since I was young." Was he being arrogant and self-righteous? Was he claiming to be perfect? Probably not, or he wouldn't have asked Jesus what he still needed to do to inherit eternal life. (Unless perhaps he was hoping for Jesus' confirmation that his lifelong obedience was indeed what was needed for him to be saved.) But it seems more likely that he was, in all integrity, being faithful to the revelation that he already had at that point in his life. No doubt he was completely sincere in declaring that he hadn't stolen anything, killed anyone, committed adultery… or done any of the other behaviours he understood to be prohibited in the ten commandments.
What this young man needed, however, was for Jesus to help him see where he still lacked revelation, or where something else was in danger of taking the place of God. So when Jesus asked him to give all of his money to the poor, that brought him up short, because he was incredibly rich. Until that point in his life, this sincere young man had probably never considered that his wealth could be an idol, standing in the way of his radical obedience to following God.
When Jesus called the fishermen, Peter, James and John, to follow him, they left their nets and went with Him immediately. Does this mean that they were "better" or more spiritual than this sincere young man? Not necessarily. It might simply mean that they had fewer material resources to give up, and so their earthly wealth wasn't in danger of becoming a stumbling block to them. The fishermen's particular temptations would be revealed later, as they continued their journey and daily life brought forth some of their own weaknesses and temptations.
I remember a conversation I once had with a young person in Southern Africa. We were talking about Christian teenagers who struggled to give up smoking, and I happened to mention that I had never in my life tried smoking a cigarette. The girl looked at me as if I had two heads, and simply refused to believe that this was possible. "You never tried smoking even once," she said. "I suppose you'll tell me that you never struggled to stop swearing either." Put on the spot, I had to confess that I had never in my life uttered a swear word, or even been tempted to do so. I didn't grow up in a family where people used bad language or in a society where public profanity was in every movie and TV programme; I could think of no reason at all why I would want to express myself in that kind of language.
My experience was incomprehensible to this teenager; she refused to believe that smoking and swearing weren't things that every human being struggles with. But what I said was completely true: neither of these things was ever even a temptation to me... and so I suppose there's no virtue at all in my not having done them. We all have different temptations, different blind spots, different sins that are most likely to entrap us. I probably faced just as many temptations as other teenagers of my generation, but smoking and swearing didn't happen to be among them.
I suppose that the same thing was happening in the misunderstanding with my friend this week. The very thing I was surprised to consider, was perhaps an area where she had known struggle and God-given victory. My own struggles and victories have been completely different, and she might be equally surprised to think that Christians would find such things a challenge.
We're all different and so we all walk a different journey of discovering our own hearts. One person struggles with being judgemental and too self-reliant, while another struggles with an inferiority complex and with understanding his own value in God's eyes. One person struggles with materialism and over-spending, while another struggles with a poverty mentality and the tendency to be stingy. Some Christians struggle with drinking too much or watching too much TV, while others face completely different temptations and battle with eating too much or with being a workaholic. As the prophet Jeremiah wrote, thousands of years ago, the human heart is deceitful and often we are completely unaware of our own areas of weakness. (Jeremiah 17: 9)
And so the rich young man in Luke 19 needed Jesus to help him see his own heart; to help him understand that his wealth was the very thing that could become his dependency, an idol that could prevent him from abandoning himself fully to God. We all need Jesus and others to help us see our own areas of weakness and sin. It's our relationship with God and with others that helps us to grow and mature, knowing more of our own hearts and drawing on more of God's grace to live lives that are pleasing to Him.
