In yesterday's blog post (see below this one) I was writing about what it means to trust that the timing of our lives is in God's hands. Little did I know what lay just around the corner.just an hour or so after writing that post, I was juggling the "rehoming" of two dogs, trying to bring a little order to the chaos of my preparing-for-a move house, and packing a small suitcase for my trip to Scotland to be with my family in what seemed to be the last days of my Dad's life. When I caught a breathing space, I made a video call to Scotland, to ask my Mum how things were going at home. And I'm so glad I did.
Mum told me that Dad was no longer eating, drinking or speaking... but that he was still able to hear. (Apparently our hearing is usually the last faculty to go.) So I was able to speak to him, telling him that I was on my way and that I would see him that evening. Mum, and the friend who had come to be with her, told me that he moved his eyes in response to what I was saying.
I went to continue packing my bag, and ten minutes later, Mum phoned to tell me that Dad was already gone. His nephew had arrived to visit and had just been saying to him that it was okay for him to go and be with those who had gone before. The friend who was with my Mum confessed that she had also prayed the previous day that God would take him quickly. And so I didn't get to see my Dad when I arrived in Scotland last night, but Im thankful that I was able to speak with him just minutes before he passed into eternity.
This morning, in my time alone with God, my readings in the Psalms included several verses about allowing God to refresh and restore our soul. Psalm 62:1 says that true rest can be found in God alone. And even as I was reading the Bible and writing in my journal during that early morning hour, my Mum was fast asleep in bed, exhausted from all the stress and grief of the past weeks.
Psalm 23 seemed an appropriate one to read today, this first day without my Dad. It assures us that, with God as our Shepherd, we have everything we need - whether that means a new home in Spain, or the strength to face everything that needs to be done here in Scotland - things like planning a funeral and unpacking boxes in the new home that my parents were supposed to move to yesterday. Those green pastures and still waters are a picture of all that God wants to give us as He is restoring our soul... and that is true even when we walk through the valley of Dad's death.
Verse 3 was traditionally translated as, "paths of righteousness," but in some Bible translations, like the NIV, it actually says, "He guides me along the right paths." I am very aware of my need for God's guidance as I take my next steps, both in Scotland and in Spain. He is always there for us, even when we can't see the way ahead. The last verse, vs 6, declares that God's goodness and love will follow us all the days of our lives, and then we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Dad is there now: he'll know no more pain or suffering, but can enjoy God's presence for all eternity.
The traditional version of that verse speaks of, "goodness and mercy," and I was reminded this morning that I prayed a few days ago for God's mercy in our situation. I wasn't thinking in terms of Dad's death (as we were all hoping he'd live to see the new house and perhaps even be around for my parents' 70th wedding anniversary in just a few weeks' time). I was more thinking about God's mercy and compassion in all the stress and grief that my Mum had been carrying... and in my own, so far fruitless, search for a place to live...
But our Shepherd, in His wisdom, has seen this as the most merciful outcome for all, and our souls can rest is knowing that He is good.
