Some things do happen for a purpose, and God doesn't have a problem when we ask Him for understanding of why a certain thing is happening or what result He wants to bring out of that situation. I've done that several times this year. But especially when it comes to the hard things in life (why someone got cancer or was in a car accident, or was robbed when walking home at night...) sometimes they're just a symptom of the fact that we live in a complex, fallen and sinful world. They're not necessarily part of some huge cosmic plan.
So the, "Why me?" question is one that I've not tended to ask much. I'd be more likely to ask God questions like:
- What are you doing in this situation?
- What do you want to teach me through this?
- How do you want to turn this situation around, or what result do you want to bring from these circumstances?
This week, however, I've been asking the why question - about the recent perplexing chapter of the Fuengirola apartment. The way it happened: a complete stranger coming into church, hearing my preaching and offering me a place to stay for a few months... it really seemed as if this could be something from the Lord. But, if you read my most recent blog post, you'll know that the whole arrangement fell through.... just two days before I was due to move there.
So, what was all that about? Why, Lord, would you allow that weird and seemingly fruitless episode to feature in the middle chapters of my story?
As I reflect prayerfully on that question, I think of all that I did during those two weeks that the apartment looked like the medium term way forward: I unpacked some of my things (winter clothes, etc) that had been in storage for six months, I was able to confirm some travel plans that I'd been putting on hold for a long time...
And I could see in retrospect that the many months of "not knowing" had paralysed me in various ways. I wasn't able to make plans for next month or the month after because I often didn't even know where I would be the next week. This was particularly true in the area of being able to travel... to be with family in Scotland or to fulfill ministry commitments that had been made before I knew I'd be homeless.
Thinking I had a stable place for a few months, I was able to book my tickets to Albania (for our annual KKI Europe gathering), I was able to start planning a visit back to Scotland, and those who'd invited me to teach in a training course in France were able to book my tickets for me. I would never have been able to confirm those trips if I hadn't thought I had a place to leave my things while I was gone.
Well, that solution wasn't to be, but - as you may have read below - I do have a different and better medium term solution until January. I don't claim to have full understanding of how God was working in this perplexing situation, but I can see how He used it to draw me out of being "stuck" and help me to start being able to plan a little bit ahead again.
I'm still in the middle of the story, I still don't know how it will end, but I'm "on the move" now in more ways than what I've been experiencing for the past six months.
