Allowing some distance to creep in

Only a few more weeks until Easter, a time of year when we think again of how Jesus suffered and died for us, and rose again to give us new life. A couple of weeks ago, I was reading part of that story in Matthew’s Gospel, and I was struck by one verse in particular: after Jesus had been accused and arrested, once he was being taken for questioning at the high priest’s house, it says that Peter followed at a distance. (Matthew 26: 58)

It has always seemed to me that Peter was a little more committed to Jesus than the other disciples were at this time: at least he was there; at least he seemed to care about what happened to Jesus. All the other disciples had run away (vs 56) when Jesus was arrested in the garden. I truly believe that Peter’s heart was sincere (vs 33) when he told Jesus, “I will never leave you, even if everyone else does.”

Peter meant well, but his big mistake was that he began to distance himself a little from Jesus. He allowed his fears for his own safety to make him back off from the closeness that he and Jesus had shared for the past three years. What began in vs 58 with “following at a distance” ended in vs 69 – 75 with a violent denial that broke both of their hearts.

I always remember one of our KKI leaders from the 1990s who, when teaching about relationship with God, would tell the young people, “You can be as close to God as you want to be.” Just like Peter, each one of us has a choice whether we will commit our lives to drawing close to Jesus or whether we will decide to “follow at a distance.” This choice makes all the difference in the world.

We can even see this clearly in our own human relationships. If you begin to distance yourself in your heart from a friend or family member, the effect on that relationship will not be a good one. The distance can begin suddenly, as the result of a conflict or disappointment, or it can grow up slowly without our even being aware of it. Judas distanced himself from Jesus because he was offended by things that happened… and the result was the betrayal that paved the way for Jesus’ trial and death. Peter distanced himself from Jesus because he was afraid of those in authority… and the result was that he also ended up denying his Lord and friend. Judas planned to do it, Peter didn’t – but both of them began by allowing a little distance to creep in.

There are all kinds of reasons why we might allow distance in our relationship with God. Some people feel disillusioned when a prayer seems to go unanswered; perhaps they get angry at God when a loved one dies or when something bad happens to them or their family; perhaps they get hurt or disappointed by someone in their church. Sometimes there’s not even a real reason for the distance; sometimes it’s just laziness: we don’t put enough time and effort into drawing close to God; we stop going to church or we neglect our personal times of Bible reading and prayer… and, before you know it, a distance has crept in and you’ve settled for following God “from afar.” No matter how good Peter’s intentions were, his story stood out as a warning to me that keeping our distance can so easily lead to denial, tears and heartbreak. Peter finished this night as a broken man, who probably thought at this point that he would never see Jesus again.

How much better it is to hold on to the promise we read in James 4 vs 8: Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

Goodbye to Andalucia

My time in Spain has almost come to an end. It's been a good time of renewing relationship with missionary friends here, of linking in with the church plant in Alhaurín de la Torre, and of working on the computer to replace (re-create) some of the teaching notes and other materials that I lost in the computer crash at the end of last year. I also took one day to play tourist and visit the picturesque little mountain village of Mijas (See photos here.)

Our house church gathering yesterday was the largest this year: more than forty adults, and around a dozen children and teenagers. The service was bilingual (Spanish and English) with messages of encouragement being shared by a Spanish pastor and an Egyptian missionary. The group is looking forward to a celebration on the 24th of this month to launch a new phase in the church's development: beginning to meet in a public venue instead of in a home. This will place the gathering in a more public arena and allow more scope for growth and expansion.

I'm returning to Scotland at the end of this week, and from 8th - 10th February I'll be busy with a FireStarters discipleship and outreach weekend in Glasgow. Around a hundred teenagers and young adults will be attending this weekend and the young people will split into eight teams, working in different parts of the city.

Knowing when, and what, to let go

This morning when I took the dog for a walk, we were playing a game of fetch with an old stick that she picked up on the gravel road. The game was fast and furious, but the stick was so dried up and brittle that it sometimes cracked and broke into two pieces when it struck the ground. I soon noticed that whenever Brandy went to fetch the stick, she always tried to bring both pieces back to me. Even if the broken piece was barely two inches long, she would faithfully arrange both pieces in her mouth, as if she had a responsibility to bring the whole stick back, instead of simply choosing the part that was most usable.

It was such a funny, quirky thing to do, and yet, even as I watched and smiled, it struck me that sometimes we can approach life in this way: just as the dog didn't want to leave part of her stick lying in the roadway, sometimes we are also reluctant to leave behind or "lose" things that have been part of our lives. And so we try to take all the pieces with us - sometimes even the "broken" pieces that are no longer useful or helpful to us. And sometimes carrying these things is just as awkward for us as it was for Brandy to pick up two pieces of stick in her mouth!

Last year, when I was preparing to leave Cape Town, I discovered that I'd had a tendency to be a "hoarder." I seemed to have accumulated so much stuff over the years and, when I was packing my suitcase, I constantly had to make decisions about what to bring back with me to Europe and what to leave behind in South Africa. I would look thoughtfully at a book I had once enjoyed, or at a pair of shoes that I seldom wore, and wonder whether I could squeeze them in... But the airline's baggage restrictions forced me to become ruthless: to recognise that there was no room to take everything with me, and that I needed to give lots of things away or simply leave them behind!

Brandy's commitment to bringing back the whole stick was admirable... but it would have been much easier for her simply to make a choice and to leave one of the pieces behind. As I go through life, I pray that I will increasingly learn to draw on God's wisdom to do the same: to know which things are important enough to hold on to and take with me... and which things are the pieces I need to let go of and leave behind me on the roadway.

Spanish Snapshots... and Stars

Spain is a religious country, and yet a surprisingly low percentage of people here would claim to know God in a close and personal way. So there is still a real need for church planting and discipleship in this nation. Yesterday I attended two informal church gatherings that were held in people's homes; one was in Cártama, and the other was the Alhaurín fellowship which currently meets at the home where I am house sitting. It was good to meet with these Christian families and share in their heart to see God at work in this part of Spain.

In an unexpected turn of events, I was recently invited to stay here in Spain for a few months and work with the discipleship training school at one of the YWAM centres in this region. Strangely enough, when I was praying at the beginning of December, I had asked God to show me whether He wanted me to work with a DTS during 2008, and I had thought about Spain as one possibility. But I felt that God said I should simply wait for Him to open the right doors. When I received the phone call last week, I wondered whether this was a door He was opening. However, as I took more time to pray about it, I came to a place of peace that God was simply asking me to continue with the commitments I have made to work with FireStarters youth ministry and with a leadership school in Scotland this year.

I've been challenged recently by the story of the wise men (Matthew chapter 2) who followed a star all the way from the east and yet, near the end of their journey, were wandering around Jerusalem, asking where the new-born King could be found. It seems that they were no longer able to see the star that they had been following for so many months. And I wondered if the wise men lost sight of the star at that point because they began to depend on their own understanding instead of just following God’s direction. You see, they knew that they were looking for the new King of the Jews, and so perhaps that’s why they headed to Jerusalem; that’s where the royal palace was, and so that’s where you’d logically expect the new king to be born. I realised that one of our biggest dangers in discerning and obeying God’s will is that we could fall into the trap of doing what seems logical or obvious... instead of just continuing to depend on the way He is leading us.

Some of the doors that have opened for me recently - like the PCYM in Switzerland or the DTS in Spain - have seemed very "logical" because they are so much in line with the kind of ministry that God has put on my heart. But, in this season of transition, I'm realising that not every door that opens is the right one, or sometimes it's just a case of not being the right timing. And so I'm continually renewing my commitment to do as it says in Proverbs chapter 3 verse 5: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding. As we closely follow God's leading, and submit every decision to Him, He is more than able to lead us through the right doors at the right time.

Images of Spain

Well, after six weeks without a computer, we finally got it back in January (the day before I left for Spain) but we were disappointed to discover that we had lost all our documents and photos in the process of having the computer fixed. I was particularly disappointed to have lost all the photos of our recent holiday in Canada/USA, as well as all the teaching notes and Powerpoints I had been working on during October and November. Needless to say, I've learned my lesson and will be careful to back up more regularly in future. I'm pleased to report, though, that I've ordered a new laptop (the first computer I've owned since my last laptop went the way of the dinosaurs about ten years ago) and I'll get it when I return to Scotland in February.

The south of Spain in winter reminds me a lot of the Western Cape in winter: sometimes there are cloudless blue skies, but it can also be cold and windy, and there are some days of torrential rain. It's sometimes necessary to build a wood fire in the evening. The photos above show my house mates, Brandy and Simba, as well as our little street and the local goat herd passing by.

I'll be working on a couple of writing projects this month, as well as trying to re-create some of the teachings and slide shows that got lost when the computer crashed. Thanks once again for your prayers, and I wish you God's blessing in 2008.

Of sacrifices and shame...

I’ve sometimes thought about the life of Mary, and wondered about the qualities in her life that made God decide to choose this unknown teenage girl to be the mother of His Son, the Saviour of the world. As Christmas approaches, we think again of how Mary was visited by the angel and how she started out on a journey that would change her life - and our lives - for ever.

A couple of weeks ago, at a church service, I watched two actors perform the part of the story that the Bible doesn’t tell us about. Their drama piece depicted Mary’s dilemma as she had to go to her fiancé and break the news to him that she was pregnant. It was sensitively written and performed, and suddenly my eyes were opened in a deeper way to the cost that Mary faced when she agreed to be obedient to what God asked of her.

It hit me in a new way that, when this teenage girl said yes to the Father’s will, she wasn’t only saying yes to a nine-month pregnancy; she was actually declaring herself willing to pay the price of a whole lifetime of shame and misjudgement. In saying yes to God, this godly young woman knew that she was probably going to be judged and found guilty by her family, friends and maybe even by the man she loved. Because, let’s face it, it’s extremely unlikely that anyone was going to believe a far-fetched story about a baby conceived by the Holy Spirit. Mary knew that; and yet she was willing to say yes to God, even though it meant that her former good reputation might be destroyed and lost for ever.

And, in marrying her, Joseph knew that too. Even though time passed and people’s memories perhaps faded a bit with the years; even though Mary and Joseph continued to live godly lives and went on to have more kids of their own… it’s possible that people continued to whisper behind their backs, and that the people of Nazareth always thought of Jesus as, “Mary and Joseph’s eldest son. He was illegitimate you know!”

Thirty years passed before Jesus began His public ministry and gave any evidence at all of being anything other than the biological son of Mary and Joseph the carpenter. And, even then, there were many who didn’t recognise who He really was. My heart hurt to think that Mary had lived for thirty years, or maybe even for her whole life, knowing the truth about what had happened, and yet being constantly confronted with the fact that other people were judging her and believing a lie about her. (Because you usually can’t change history, as it was perceived, and it’s unlikely that people ever changed the impressions and the judgements they’d formed about her at that time.)

What sacrificial love! What costly obedience! We sometimes say, or sing in hymns, that no price is too high to pay and nothing is too much to give up for the One who loved us and died for us. Thinking last week about Mary’s situation, about her willingness to embrace a whole lifetime of shame and misjudgement, maybe even of gossip and rejection, allowed me to understand “radical obedience” in a new light. And yet this radical obedience of a teenage girl has allowed hundreds and millions of us to experience friendship with the Messiah and God of the universe.

As we think about how the Son of God gave up everything and came to be born on earth at Christmas time, my prayer for my own life is that I will continually grow in my capacity for sacrifice and in my willingness to say yes to the Lord; my readiness to say, “No price is too high, no sacrifice is too great, no pain or shame is too deep… if the result is that I and others can know the living God in a deep and personal way.” I still have a lot of growing to do in this area: saying yes is one thing, but embracing the consequences and hanging in for the the long term can sometimes be a real challenge that involves daily dying to self. The depth of Mary’s sacrifice still leaves me stunned but, deep down, I know that this kind of unconditional surrender to God is the deepest desire of my heart. Quite simply because He deserves it and He can always be trusted with lives that are committed to His purposes. Wow!

Crashes, call centres and cathedrals...

If you're trying to reach me by email at the moment, you've no doubt been met by an ominous silence. My computer crashed at the beginning of December and is still in hospital in a "coma." It looks as if it will only be sorted out sometime next week, and so I might not be able to have email access again until then.

When the crash happened, I phoned the manufacturer's customer helpline to report the "death" and find out what needed to be done. These call centres are seldom in the UK, and so you spend half your time spelling out names and addresses, because you find yourself speaking with foreigners who don't understand your accent and you don't understand theirs! I was passed from person to person and, after I was put on to the fifth person, I began to realise that everyone I'd spoken to had a South African accent (Indian, Xhosa, Afrikaans or whatever.) When the sixth person asked for my address, and wasn't able to call it up automatically when I gave her my postcode, I finally said, "You're not in the UK, are you?"

"No," she answered, "We're in Cape Town!"  How bizarre: to sit in the UK with a broken computer, and to end up speaking about it with technicians in South Africa! The last lady told me that it was warm and sunny in Cape Town, so that made me very conscious of being back here in the winter half of the world.

Anyway, the winter weather hasn't stopped us reaching out to the people of Glasgow. We've just finished our FireStarters discipleship and outreach weekend for December. The theme this time was, "Passion," and the young people were challenged to consider what motivates them and what are the ways that God would possibly want them to make a difference in their world.

During the weekend, the eight teams of young people were involved in a variety of different kinds of outreach. Some teams ran clubs and Christmas parties for local children; some ran a drop in centre for the youth; one team went out to serve practically by washing windows and doing odd jobs for the elderly and infirm. Another team held a ceilidh (pronounced "kayley" and, in case you're not familiar with what it is, it's a kind of party with Scottish dancing.) Young people from local church youth groups were invited to come to the ceilidh and bring their non-Christian friends with them. So it was another positive and fruitful weekend, as we approach the Christmas season.

When Hogmanay (New Year's Eve) comes, some of the older teens and young adults are going to be out in Glasgow city centre, giving out free bottles of water to the revellers who are already drinking other beverages (!!) and waiting to bring in the New Year. The bottles will bear the logo of "Hope '08" - a Christian outreach initiative that will be happening in towns, villages and cities throughout the UK in 2008. The water distribution will be followed by a special worship and commissioning service in Glasgow Cathedral. (When I was in England, last week, I was able to attend a gathering in Birmingham Cathedral to pray for some of their initiatives for Hope '08.) FireStarters is very involved in the Hope '08 plans for the city of Glasgow and, as well as all kinds of things throughout the year, there will also be a special outreach initiative next July.

That's all for now. There will only be more news from me once my computer is restored to life again!