Wet matches in the sunshine...

At church this morning, one of the songs during the worship time included a line about God "lighting up the darkness." Shortly after we'd sung those words, I received a mental picture of a person holding a wet box of matches. The person had been trying again and again to strike the matches, but there was no hope of seeing them catch fire because they were soaking wet. The only thing that could be done was to place the wet matches in the bright sunlight and wait for them to dry out.  

As I watched the person lay those matches out on the ground, I saw that they slowly began to dry. Then suddenly, without the person even needing to pick them up and try striking them again, they spontaneously burst into flames.... like when a bush fire or forest fire is started by the sun's heat on the dry grass.

Recognising it to be a prophetic picture for someone in the congregation, I caught the worship leader's attention and asked if I could come to the microphone to share it. I described the picture and then offered the interpretation that I believed God was giving me.

"There's someone here who has been praying a long time for something," I said. "You feel like you're asking again and again, but nothing's happening; the fire just won't start. I believe that God is saying you don't need to keep "striking the matches" again and again, but you simply need to lay those prayers down in the Lord's light and warmth, so that He can deal with the hindrances and He can be the one to make the fire start."

As I returned to my seat, I could hear the worship leader asking the congregation if anyone identified with the word I had shared. One or two people raised their hands and the worship leader led out in a prayer.  But before I got to my seat, the lady behind me reached out and grabbed hold of me. "I had gone out to the toilet," she said, "And so I didn't hear what you said. Can you tell me, please?"

So, in a whisper, I described to her what I had just shared with the whole congregation. "Oh, yes, that's me!" she said, "Please will you pray for me."

Later, as I was walking home from church, I realised that the prophetic picture I'd shared for others was also very applicable to my own situation. (See the post below this one.) As we enter the fifth month of the year, I have temporary housing possibilities lined up for the next few months, but nothing long-term yet. I've been asking the Lord how much time and energy I should be putting into the ongoing search. I've had such a sense in recent weeks that the accommodation hunt is "eating up" time that could be used for other things - like ministry preparation - but I don't want to be irresponsible or passive when it comes to knocking on doors and checking out possibilities that might lead to finding my future home.

I'm asking myself now if the endless searching through websites, making phone calls and driving to see houses is a futile exercise at the moment - just like striking those wet matches again and again. What's the point in checking out short term rentals that are much more expensive than the temporary rentals I've already been offered?

I sense that I need to continue to do my part, so that I can completely trust God to do His part. So I will continue to search those real estate websites every week. That will be my way of laying those wet matches out in the light and warmth of God's loving attention. But I'll only pursue the ones that really look as if they could possibly be the long term answer, and not the ones that seem as if they'd only be a temporary solution anyway. As I continue to pursue the possible solutions, I can trust the Lord to "dry out the damp" (whatever those damp hindrances might be) and to bring about the right solution at the right time - whether it turns out to be one that looks possible or one that seemed totally impossible to me. 

Wisdom needed for the next steps...

I've dedicated my entire life to working with the emerging generations of children and youth... and to equipping workers to reach and disciple today's young people.

I was hoping to travel this year to teach in two PCYM (principles in child and youth ministry) training courses - one in Eastern Europe and the other in Western Europe. Sadly, my present circumstances (looking for a new home) have made it impossible for me to travel. However, that doesn't mean that my involvement in this important training ministry is cancelled....

Over the coming weeks (May and June) I will be teaching in a PCYM in Switzerland and another in Argentina, but I will be staying in Spain and doing the teaching over the internet by Zoom. One of the topics I'll be covering with the group in Switzerland is how to discern God's calling and direction for your own life and for the ministry you are involved in. (See title slide above.) Even as I prepare to share biblical principles and insights with the students, I'm very aware that wisdom for my next steps is also a very real need for myself at the moment.

There's still been no breakthrough when it comes to finding my new permanent home here in Spain, but a couple of temporary housing options have been offered to me. When I need to leave my present temporary accommodation in middle of May, I can move to a small one-roomed "apartment" at the home of an American missionary family here in town. That option can be my temporary home for around six weeks - until the end of June.

Somewhat to my surprise, I've also been offered a further short term option from July onwards. The American family introduced me to an English couple who run a Christian retreat centre out in the countryside of Malaga province and these people have said that I can rent a small cottage on their property if I'm still searching for my long term housing when the summer months come around. 

Although I feel incredibly thankful for these short term offers (which mean that I don't need to feel the constant pressure of having nowhere to go), it's nonetheless a bit disconcerting to contemplate the possibility that I might still be needing temporary housing as the summer advances.

And so, this is where I need wisdom for my next steps. Until now, I've been looking both at houses/flats for rent and houses for sale. I began by looking for long term rental accommodation, like I've always had in the past... However, recognising that current rental costs are considerably above my monthly support level, I've also been wondering whether God's long term solution would be for me to buy instead of renting, and whether renting will be only a short term solution - possibly until I can sell our house in Scotland and have that money to invest in buying a small home here. At the beginning of every week, I scroll through dozens of property websites to find the new listings - both of places to rent and places for sale.

But now I already have short term rental possibilities for the next three or four months.... rental accommodation that is with fellow Christians and that is within the budget of my present monthly income. What should my weekly home-hunting look like now?Should I keep phoning about flats to rent - even though their cost is double or triple the price of the short term housing that has already been offered to me? Should I focus more on looking at little places for sale.... in case God opens a door for that in the future? Should I be beginning a process of fund raising - trusting God to raise up new supporters to increase my monthly income for longer term rental costs ahead?

Please would you join me in praying that I'll know the right way to invest my time and energy? I've emailed, phoned and driven hundreds of kilometres in going to visit so many different flats and houses over the past four months that I've lost count of them all. Now that some short term options are assured, what should be my priority when it comes to finding the long term home that God has for me here?

Of peace and provision...

Over the weekend, I finished my reading of the letter to the Philippians, and this morning I began reading in the letter to the Galatians.

I was struck yesterday morning by the well known verse in Philippians 4: 7 - that we will experience God's peace, far beyond human understanding, if we follow the three simple instructions in vs 6:

1) don't worry about anything

2) pray about everything

3) be thankful for everything you already have.

These four months of searching for a new place to live have felt really long and have sometimes been stressful. I reflected on the fact that I've been doing pretty well on the whole with appropriating God's peace for the journey - during the first three weeks of the month, at least - but then the renewed weight of impending homelessness makes it harder to be at peace during the last week of the month: there are more tears, more questions, as the end of the month approaches.

But I do make a conscious choice not to give in to worry. I do present my concerns to the Lord in prayer. And I do place a value on living a lifestyle of thankfulness, often writing in my journal a list of the things I am grateful for. 

Yesterday, as the awareness of "only six days days left in my temporary accommodation" set in, I renewed my focus on those three things... and in the evening, just before bedtime, I got some welcome news: it turns out that guests won't be staying in this house for the whole month of May, but will only arrive after the wedding that is happening here on the 12th. That means that I don't need to move out of this temporary accommodation next weekend, but can stay an extra week and a half if I need to. What a huge relief that was, even if it only adds a few days to the time frame I still have for finding a longer term solution!

This morning, I read the first chapter of the letter to the Galatians. In vs 6, the writer, Paul, alludes to a theme that he will unpack later in the book. The Galatian believers have been turning away from the true gospel of total dependence on God, and have embraced an alternative path that is based on human reasoning, with lots of rules and regulations.

I remembered a sudden thought that had come to me yesterday when I was walking to church: I may not be following a false gospel like the Galatians did, but in my search for a new home, am I limiting myself to things that are "humanly possible," instead of taking risks and expecting God to do things that are completely impossible? Although, in my search for a rental property, I'm enquiring about and visiting places where the rent is equal to my total monthly income, am I believing, for example, that it would be irresponsible for me to go above that threshold? As I consider the fact that buying a home might be the only solution to the current rental crisis, am I believing that this step in impossible for me until our house in Scotland is sold... instead of believing that God could provide in other ways if He chose to?

Those questions gave me a lot to think and pray about. I already feel that I'm living "on the edge" during these months, so it was a wild thought to consider that God might want me to take an even bigger risk in some area.

So, as I renew the search again this week, searching the new property listings online, making phone calls, driving around the region..... my prayer is that I will have renewed sensitivity to what God is saying and to what is on his heart for me. 

Sticking together...

Four months of looking for a new place to live have been challenging. Being completely without a home and having to depend on the hospitality and generosity of others is a very vulnerable and humbling experience. One of the things I'm incredibly grateful for is that the lady who has offered me temporary shelter for April was willing to let me bring my dog and cat with me. Being homeless alone is hard enough; trying to find shelter for my pets would have made things even harder.

If you click on the photo above, it will take you to a little music video that I've made this month with my border collie. There’s a line in the song that says, “Sometimes things don’t go as planned,” and that’s certainly been true for us this year as we’ve ended up spending April in this temporary accommodation. But at least we could stick together (another line from the song) and, when I wasn't busy with ministry commitments or with house hunting, the garden of our temporary home provided a pretty backdrop for us to film these games, tricks and times of practising our canine dance steps. Hope you enjoy it! 

Can being "stuck" ever bring blessing?

 
This morning in my personal time with God, I moved to the New Testament and began reading the letter to the Philippians. Paul is writing the letter from prison - circumstances that look like a defeat and a hindrance to his being able to preach the gospel. Yet he writes in verse 12, "I want you to know that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the good news." He's referring of course to the fact that the whole imperial guard knows he's in chains for his faith.

I'm not literally imprisoned like Paul was, but I've had a heavy sense of being "imprisoned" by circumstances, feeling "stuck" because my situation of homelessness seems to have been an obstacle to ministry plans that I believed God had for me this year. I wasn't able to travel to a European leaders' gathering in the UK or to a KKI international leaders' gathering in the USA. I was prevented from accepting an invitation to teach in the Child and Youth Ministry School in Eastern Europe, and now it also looks as if I also won't be able to travel to Switzerland next month to teach in the same PCYM school there. 

But is my "captivity" advancing the gospel or being an obstacle to it? It certainly feels to me as if my circumstances are hindering my ministry, rather than advancing it. It feels as if my situation is a negative testimony of God's ability to care and provide for me.  My situation is not unique to me (see the post below this one) but as my friends and neighbours look on, they're not exactly seeing any evidence that God is bigger than our circumstances (something that I believe with all my heart.)

Paul believes that the prayers of his friends and the work of the Holy Spirit will bring about a good outcome in the end. (Phil 1: 19)

But, in vs 20, he says that he refuses to be ashamed; he knows that his life can still bring glory to God, even if it ends in the apparent defeat of his being put to death. "Don't be intimidated," he tells the believers in vs 28 - 29. Even our struggles and suffering are a privilege as we follow Jesus.

Today I got a text message from an old neighbour - someone that I've seen very little over the past two or three years. "I know that God is with you," she wrote, "and you'll always have a friend in me." That message came as a complete surprise.

On Sunday, my former neighbour, Matilde, send me a little picture (here on the right) which says, "Trust in God's plans for your life. He doesn't need your help; He just needs your faith to activate them. God bless you."

Last week, when I invited Matilde and Marta for lunch, I prayed to give thanks before we ate the meal. Just as I finished my prayer, Matilde also spoke up: "And God, we ask you to provide a house for Barbara and the animals that will be suitable for the long term." I almost couldn't believe my ears... as I heard my not-yet-believing neighbour pray out loud at the table.

Other non-believing friends and neighbours have also been making comments like, "God will give you a miracle at the right time," or, "I'm praying for you."

Yes, even as I feel that my life is completely failing to present any evidence of God's miraculous power at work, these are my not-yet-Christian friends who are praying and making reference to His existence!!

And so I can completely trust that God is more than able to defend His own reputation and that He will get glory from this situation in the end. It feels horrible and vulnerable to keep trying every day without ever seeing a breakthrough... but it doesn't change the fact that God can still use the situation to advance the gospel.

Government intervention...

Over the past four months, my house hunting situation has seemed hopeless and even impossible, but I've been aware it wasn't in any way unique to me. I kept hearing about other people, including friends from church, who were finding it completely impossible to find a place to stay... and a few of my dog walking friends also had to move to other towns because they could find nothing in this area.

Last night, I read a couple of interesting newspaper articles that told of how even the Spanish government sees this situation as impossible, and is stepping in to try to remedy it by passing a new law.

Here's the article in English if you're interested in knowing more, and here is the longer article in Spanish. But let me summarise what's probably going to happen in the course of this year.

Basically, the government recognises that there are many parts of the country where it is becoming impossible for ordinary people to rent a home. They are calling these towns and regions "stressed" housing areas, which basically means that the average cost of renting a house or flat, and paying the bills, is generally more than 30% of a normal person's income. 

The new law, which still needs final approval by Parliament, will make it no longer possible for real estate agents or insurance companies to demand that a prospective renter give proof of a ridiculously unrealistic salary in order to be able to rent a place to live.  It will also rule that it's the home owner who needs to pay the estate agent's fees and not the renter.

(At the moment, to rent a tiny flat at a monthly cost of €1000, they want you to prove a salary of at least €3000. Then, if you manage to surmount that obstacle, they expect you to pay a two month deposit on top of the first month's rent, and also to pay the equivalent of a month's rent in fees to the real estate agent. That means that, if you do manage to find a place to rent, they are expecting you to pay something between €4000 and €8000 in the first month... or even more if you're renting a big villa!)

It will probably take most of this year for the law to be passed and to be worked out in practice, but it will be good news for people like myself who have been finding it impossible to meet the requirements to take on a rental contract.

Of sabbath and sabbatical...

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time. it'll be no secret to you that I place a very high value on the biblical principle of sabbath rest. Not in the stereotypical way of saying it's wrong to cook or do the gardening on a Sunday.... but grappling more deeply with what God really wanted for us when He emphasised the importance of Sabbath in the Bible.

Doing a search of this blog will turn up more than a dozen posts relating to sabbath. Here are just a few of them, spanning the years from 2013 to 2017:

It's all about saving lives.

Getting on my soapbox.

Manna ... and the value of rest.

Total dependence.

So, if sabbath is such a high value to me, you might be surprised to discover that I've never taken a single "sabbatical" during more than forty years of being a missionary. That might seem incongruous to you, but in fact it's precisely because of my commitment to sabbath that I've never felt the need to take a longer time off work in order to rest and recover.

Let me explain... I believe that sabbath means more than just one day off every week, or a whole sabbatical year every seven or ten years. Although we first encounter sabbath in the Old Testament paradigm of not working, cooking, walking, etc, on the seventh day of the week, I believe that God's intention for the sabbath principle was to teach us not to strive: not to act as if everything depends on us, but to acknowledge our total dependence on Him and our need to take times of rest that allow us to focus on our relationship with Him and with others.

We rightly focus on a "day of rest" each week, but I believe it's also important to think in terms of times of rest each day, each month, each year.

So, even in a busy season, I take care not to work non stop all day. I don't skip church because "there's work to be done." I try to plan in a free day each month when I can go for a trip or a hike with the dogs, or take a personal retreat with the Lord. When I worked in Africa, I planned a whole month every year when I would go home to visit my family and my home church in Scotland. I tried to build the sabbath principle into all of my life and the lives of those I led. (If we'd just spent three intensive weeks on a summer outreach, we'd close down our youth ministry centre for a few days so that our staff could rest, do their laundry, write their newsletter, meet up with friends and spend quality time with God.)

And so, here I am, having served several decades as a missionary, but never having taken an extended time off for a sabbatical.

What do we mean by "sabbatical," anyway? Well, typically it's a longer than usual break from work in order to refocus and be refreshed. Sometimes people take a sabbatical in order to study or get some further training to equip them for their ministry calling. Sometimes they take time out because they feel called to write a book. Sometimes people take a sabbatical for family reasons or health reasons. Sometimes it's because they want to travel and broaden their perspective on life and ministry. And sometimes, especially during transitions, people take a sabbatical time in order to debrief, to rest and reflect on their future steps.

So, why am I writing about this today? Am I about to tell you that I feel it's finally time for me to take a sabbatical?

No, that's not the reason for this post. I feel, in this older stage of my life, that I have a healthy pace of life, with a good balance of work and ministry commitments alongside dedicated times for rest, recreation and retreat times with God...

... but this horrible home-hunting season is beginning to make me feel that I'm subject to a kind of "forced sabbatical" when it comes to my travel plans. I've already missed two leadership gatherings, one European and one International, that I would normally have attended. I had to turn down an invitation to teach in the PCYM school in Eastern Europe and now there's a question mark above my plans to teach in the PCYM school in Western Europe. It's as if all my ministry travel needs to be put on hold because my home situation just isn't stable enough to allow me to leave the country.

In recent days, I've even been wondering if I need to make it official. Not a full-on sabbatical in the usual sense of the word, because I have all sorts of online ministry commitments, training courses and coaching sessions throughout this year. But I've been asking myself whether I need to accept that I'm on a sort of "travel sabbatical" until my housing situation is resolved. It's kind of demoralising to spend time preparing to teach in a training course and then discover that being homeless makes it impossible for you to travel.

I don't really understand why something as ordinary as finding a place to live is encroaching so much on the seemingly more spiritual and important tasks of teaching and leading... but I do recognise that the personal one needs to be resolved in order for me to give my total attention to all kinds of ministry invitations again.

So it's simply a question that I'm asking myself this week...