Moving house...

I've been back in Spain for almost a week, and so much has happened that I almost feel a little dizzy.

If you've read my last few blog posts of 2024, you'll know that I finally found a flat to rent - after two years of a homeless, nomadic lifestyle that saw me moving house every few weeks or months. This past week has seen us moving yet again, but this time without a deadline. It's been fun to rediscover bedding, kitchen stuff and clothing that has been packed away in storage for the past two years - almost like getting a brand new wardrobe. My dog (who went a little crazy with joy on seeing me again after a month's absence) seldom lets me out of her sight and the photo above shows her "helping" me to do the first laundry in the new flat.

The dog isn't allowed up on the furniture; she knows this, and always sleeps obediently on her own bed. But since we've moved into the new place, I've given her permission also to sleep on an old Ikea chair that used to be the cats' bed.  I've had to smile at how she's enjoyed this new-found freedom. Although she more often sleeps on her usual bed, she's begun climbing up on the "chair bed" every now and then - trying out new sleeping positions or watching from there as I move and unpack lots of boxes and bags.

Thank you for your prayers over these past two years. I am thankful to have found a more stable home for the next season of my life.

Answered prayer, lack of prayer and wrong prayer…

Most Christians believe that prayer changes things. Although sceptics may think that what seem to be answers to prayer are just a series of happy coincidences, we can’t escape the reality of what one believer said in response: “All I know is that when I pray, lots of “coincidences” happen, and when I don’t pray, there aren’t so many of those coincidences.”

It’s equally true that when we don’t pray, things we hoped for don’t in fact happen. We read this in James 4:8, which says, “You don’t have what you want because you don’t ask for it.” I experienced this very obviously through two things that happened in 2024…

Last summer, I travelled to West Africa to teach in a youth ministry training course. Knowing that luggage can often get lost in transit on flights to and from small African airports, I asked people if they would pray that my baggage would arrive safely and on time. Well, I arrived safely in Togo, but my luggage didn’t. I had to wear borrowed clothes for my first few days of teaching, and when the suitcase finally did arrive, my gifts of European cheese for my African hosts had melted into greasy lumps.

When news of the lost suitcase filtered out, one or two people got in touch with me to ask for my forgiveness. “You asked us to pray about your baggage,” said one, “and I really intended to, but I forgot. I’m so sorry.” While those who forgot to pray can’t be held responsible for the lost luggage, it was nonetheless a reminder that committed prayer can make a big difference to everyday situations and lack of prayer can equally have an effect on the outcome.

A similar thing happened towards the end of the year. In my December newsletter, I wrote about the fact that I had been homeless and searching for a place to live for two whole years. Almost immediately, a handful of people got in touch to confess that they’d actually failed to pray about my housing situation - it had dragged on for such a long time, that they had found it hard to persevere in prayer, but they and others promised me their renewed prayers during December. Within two days, I had two housing options - one of them being the rental flat that I moved into this week. Further evidence that lack of prayer can delay what God wants to do, but concentrated prayer can quickly make a difference.

Perhaps the biggest learning curve for me, however, was the solemn realisation that the wrong kind of prayer can actually be just as negative as no prayer at all. “What?” you say, “Can prayer ever be wrong?”

In the middle of last year, one day in May, I was contacted by two rather prophetic friends from another country. “When we were praying for you," they said, “We felt that God led us to break the power of soulish prayers over your life.”

Soulish prayers? What on earth is that about?

I understand the difference between the soul and the spirit. The soul is often defined as our mind, will and emotions: our own thoughts, desires and feelings. The spirit, on the other hand, is to do with our conscience and intuition; that part of ourselves that allows us to commune with God and hear His voice. In fact, when we speak on our leadership development courses about spiritual leadership, we often challenge the leaders to evaluate whether they are leading from their soul or whether they are truly leading from their spirit, inspired by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. 

We read in Hebrews 4:12 

that one function of the Bible, the Word of God, is to help us distinguish between what is from the soul and what is from the spirit. 

So, what did they mean by “soulish” prayers, I asked my friends. In fact, it’s been written about by some well known Christian authors. Soulish prayers are when we pray according to our own ideas and understanding, our own desires and hopes, rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to direct our prayers so that we will pray things that are God’s will. My friends said they felt that a well intentioned person or persons were praying things that they themselves believed to be right, but that were not God’s will for my life, and this was having a negative effect on my search for a new home.

We’ll never know exactly what it was. Perhaps someone was praying that I wouldn’t find a home in Spain… or perhaps it was simply that one or more people were praying for me to do something different, something that wasn’t in fact what God had for me.

It reminded me of a classmate that I knew in University. This person had great admiration for a young man in our year and had convinced herself that God wanted her to have a relationship with, and ultimately to marry, this man. She continued to pray in that direction over a period of some eighteen months. When the young man in question finally married someone else, she was forced to accept that marrying him was not in fact something that would happen in her future. Not too long after that, she got engaged to another young man who had in fact been a “best friend” of hers since the first year of university. Looking back, she realised that her obsession with the first young man and her “wrong” prayers about a relationship with him, had probably prevented her from seeing what was obvious all along: that she already had a wonderful developing relationship with the man who is now her husband. No doubt her soulish prayers prevented her from seeing and experiencing it sooner.

A similar impression was shared with me around November, and I personally took the step of breaking the power of any soulish prayers over my life and future. It was only a few weeks later that I found the apartment where I have now begun to live.

I have always believed in the power of prayer (even when sometimes I don’t seem to see the things I am praying for.) I have also always believed that lack of prayer can delay God’s purposes in a town, a church, in a family or in an individual’s life. But over the past year I gained a new understanding and respect for the fact that the wrong kind of prayer can actually have a negative effect rather than just a neutral one.

Perhaps that is why even Jesus Himself, when praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, said, “Not my will, but yours be done, Father.” If Jesus was aware of the danger of soulish prayer, how much more important is it for us, His followers, to be wise and discerning in how we pray.

Sailing into a new year...

We're already four days into a new year - a year that will take us ¼ of the way through our current century. It's unlikely to be "plain sailing" - as real life is never like that - but a new year always seems to presents us with a sense of new hope and the opportunity to make a new start in different areas of our life.

If you read my last few blog posts of 2024, you'll already know that this first month of the year does mark kind of a new beginning for me. After two whole years of being homeless and moving constantly from one accommodation to another, I've finally found a little flat that Maiki and I will move into when I return to Spain, ten days from now.

This new home brings a huge sense of relief with it. It can be hard to keep praying, to keep persevering when a difficult situation drags on and on, without any sense of breakthrough. It can raise all kinds of questions about whether you're praying the right thing, doing the right thing or even whether you're in the right place.

A Bible passage that I read this week illustrates exactly that kind of situation. In Luke chapter 8, we read the well known story of Jesus' calming a storm and we see how unsettling that experience was for His twelve disciples. As I read the story, it reminded me a lot of my own experience over the past two years:

vs 22 - The disciples knew that they were in the right place; they were exactly where Jesus had asked them to be, because He was the one who had asked them to get into the boat and cross over to the other side of the lake. Similarly, I knew that Jesus had guided me to be in Spain and was asking me to continue to live there.

vs 23 - The disciples knew that Jesus was with them; He was right there in the boat with them as they sought to obey what He'd asked them to do. 

So, if you are in the right place, doing the right thing, and you know that Jesus is with you.... you'd think that life would be plain sailing, wouldn't you? 

But it wasn't so for the disciples. They found themselves caught up in a very real danger - a storm that was so violent, even the seasoned fishermen in the group were afraid that they were going to drown. Their situation was very scary and, even though they knew Jesus was with them, it seemed that He was asleep and unaware of their fears.

Like the disciples, not only was I sure I was in the right place and was obeying what God had shown me, I also had lots of evidence that Jesus was with me on the journey - inspiring and anointing my missionary involvement, all while providing a series of short term places for me to live.

But, like the disciples, I often found it quite scary to be one of the many thousands of victims of the post-pandemic housing crisis. I didn't imagine that Jesus was "asleep in the boat" or oblivious to my very real challenges... but there were a couple of times when I said, "Lord, my resilience is low; I don't know if I have any strength left to go on."

But Jesus did calm the storm for the disciples, and now He has calmed the storm for me too. I haven't reached the other side yet, but at least it's calmer sailing and I move into 2025 with a more stable foundation (home) for the journey ahead. (Read on in the posts below for news of how God has calmed the storm for me over the past few weeks.)

The rest of Luke chapter 8 tells of some healing miracles, and I found it interesting that all of them were situations that had been dragging on for a long time. Often it's the "chronic" situations, with seemingly unanswered prayer, that really test our faith.

The first healing is of the Gadarene man who had been naked, homeless and demon possessed for a very long time. But the story ends with him clothed and calm again, and Jesus tells him, "Go home and tell how much God has done for you." When we do see a breakthrough in our long term battles, it's important that we give God the glory and share the testimony with others.

The second healing is of a woman with an embarrassing and distressing "feminine problem" - she had been bleeding for twelve years and no one had been able to help her. Yet, at just the right time, one touch from Jesus brought instant release.

In the third situation, the little girl's health had got so bad that she actually died, and people laughed at Jesus when He said He would wake her up again... but He did; He raised her from death to new life.

It reminds me again of how hard it can be to keep believing or even to keep praying for situations that have gone on for a long time - a health challenge that hasn't been healed, an unbelieving family member or neighbour that still hasn't opened their heart to the Lord, a home or work situation that is still difficult and needs breakthrough...

Reading these stories today challenges me to keep praying for "chronic" situations. God's power is never limited; it's more usually my perseverance or my prayer that are limited. I'm asking God to give me faith for the chronic situations that He wants me to keep praying and trusting for in 2025.

Serendipity

Serendipity. It's not a word that you hear very often in British English, but it's generally used to describe the happy or beneficial coincidences of life - things that take us by surprise in a pleasant way.

Some people would say that serendipitous circumstances are not actually "coincidences" at all; that they are more like "fate" or destiny. "All things happen for a reason," they say.

Well, I have to confess that I don't really believe that all things happen for a reason. Some things, especially the negative ones, just happen because we live in a fallen world, and sinful people, including myself, sometimes do stupid or selfish things. Not everything that happens to us was "meant to be." Things might simply be a consequence of my own or someone else's bad choices.

But then there are the serendipitous experiences of life, where it really seems as if Someone greater has been arranging the circumstances for you. As someone once said, "When I pray, lots of coincidences happen; and when I don't pray, I don't experience so many coincidences."

And so I'm intrigued by the serendipity surrounding the new flat that I'm going to be renting here in Spain. As you know, I've been homeless for the past two years - unable to find a house or flat either to rent or buy. God has been faithful amidst the crisis and has always provided temporary accommodation for me... but this has meant that my dog and I have moved home more than a dozen times in the past two years.

As 2024 was drawing to close, another deadline was looming for us. Time was running out in the place I'd been living for the past six months. I had nowhere to store my furniture when I left for Christmas, and nowhere to live when I returned to Spain in mid January. I had been intensifying the search during November, looking at apartments in nearby towns and sometimes even driving as far as 100 km along the coast, just to find something short term that would allow me to continue the search into a third year of the post-pandemic housing crisis. But there was nothing to be found. Either the landlords demanded to see proof of a huge salary, or they told me that they wouldn't rent to someone with a pet.

So there was something serendipitous about the fact that the flat I've now committed to rent only became available when the previous renters moved out of it in early December.... and that before the landlord could clean it up and advertise it for rent again, someone in the building mentioned it to a homeless family in my church. It was too small for them, so this meant that I was able to view it and agree to rent it before it was advertised on any estate agents' websites.

Then there was the serendipity of the fact that (as I wrote a couple of days ago) I'm moving into a building where I already have a relational connection with all three of my neighbours. The two neighbours in the flats upstairs from mine are ladies that I've been speaking to for years, because we often met while walking our dogs; they knew about my search for a home and have been following my journey with interest. And it turns out the third neighbour, in the flat next door to mine, is my hairdresser's sister. Loli has been cutting my hair for fifteen years, and I've already met one of her sisters who lives in the same street. Now I'm going to meet another one and continue building my network of people to witness to here in town.

My journey isn't finished. I can't afford to rent forever, and I'll continue to look for a little home of my own to buy.... but at this stage of the journey, I'm seeing God's hand in the serendipity of my next steps.

Even though I won't start paying rent until January (the flat is being painted and having some repairs done while I'm away for Christmas) I was able to move my furniture there this week, thus solving the problem of my not having any place to store it. I've also been able to leave my car in its new underground parking spot instead of leaving it out in the winter weather during the month that I'm in Scotland. I have to confess I felt thankful to have only a small car, because the parking bay is not very wide at all. I'm not sure that a bigger vehicle would have fitted there. I can only just open the door to get in and out of the car. (For the sharp eyed people, who can spot my dog peering out the car window: no, she won't be spending the next month in the parking garage, but will be staying with missionary friends of mine who graciously agreed to look after her over an extended period so that I could spend more time with my Mum.)

Christmas presents...

Well, I hardly dared to believe it (things have fallen through so many times over the past two years) but now I really do have a new home for 2025. I moved all my furniture over to the flat yesterday, even as cleaners (friends from my church) were busy deep-cleaning the whole apartment. Today and tomorrow, I'm packing everything else into my storage shed, as well as deep cleaning the place I've been in for the past few months. I also needed to take my dog to meet the family (and baby!) where she'll be staying over the next month while I'm in the UK.

My new landlord will still be doing some repairs and some re-painting while I am gone, so that everything will be ready for me to move in when I return in January.

It's been an interesting "coincidence" for me that the two neighbours in the flats upstairs from mine are ladies that I've often met while walking the dogs.... and this morning I discovered yet another "coincidence" about my new location. While my hairdresser was cutting my hair this morning and I was explaining where my new place will be, she suddenly gave a gasp and said, "You'll be the next door neighbour to my sister. She's in the other ground floor flat in that building!" So it turns out that there's already a relational connection with all three of my neighbours, and I am trusting that God will deepen the friendships over the coming months, as well as re-strengthening connections with my former neighbours who'll be not too far away now.

What a nice Christmas present - to have not only a new place to live, but also new neighbours to reach out and share my faith with. God is good.

(Photo shows one of our Alhaurín roundabouts at Christmas time.)

 

Are you an Ethan or a Heman?

Over the past week, I've been reading some psalms from the Old Testament. Perhaps you know that the Bible contains 150 psalms, divided into 5 books. This morning, I was reading the last two psalms in the third book. Psalm 88 was written by a man called Heman the Ezrahite, while Psalm 89 was written by a man called Ethan the Ezrahite. These two men were from the same tribe and were living through the same time in history, yet their two psalms could not be more radically different.

Psalm 88 is full of despair. The writer says in verse 3, "My life is full of troubles and death draws near." Even the melody of the psalm, according to the title, is a tune called, "The Suffering of Affliction."

Psalm 89 is in complete contrast, full of praise for God's unfailing love. Ethan declares the nature and character of God: His creative power, His unfailing truth, His righteousness and justice. Heman, on the other hand, writes about God's anger and accuses Him of injustice.

Heman and Ethan, both Ezrahites, both writers of psalms. Were their situations really so radically different, or is the difference in tone more because Ethan chose thankfulness while Heman chose self-pity?

Ethan is very clear in vs 15-18 of Psalm 89: it is those who respond to the call to worship who will know God's presence, His strength and His protection.

As we read on in the last fifteen verses of Ethan's psalm, we discover that he is also grappling with hard questions. He's wondering whether God has rejected them (rejected the people of Israel and their king, David) because of their disobedience. His life is no simpler or easier than that of his relative, Heman.

But amidst all his questions and doubts, Ethan refuses self-pity and chooses instead to praise God and trust in His unfailing character. That's what makes all the difference.

When troubles come, am I an Ethan or a Heman?

What about you? Whatever you're facing right now, is your response more like Heman's self-pity or more like Ethan's choice to praise God? That choice will make all the difference in the world.

Counting the cost... and celebrating breakthrough

In my recent (December 2024) newsletter, I shared an overview of my 2-year journey to find a new home here in Spain and the societal factors that have made the search so difficult.

I am incredibly grateful to those of you who wrote to share Bible verses or words of encouragement, urging me not to give up but to "hang in there" and trust for a breakthrough. Others of you wrote, humbly confessing that you hadn't in fact been praying for my housing; that it was hard to persevere in prayer for a situation that was continuing over such a long time frame.... and I totally understand that. Thank you for your humility and honesty, and for your renewed prayers in recent days.

As time has gone by with seemingly no answer to prayer (except for all the short term housing options God has provided for me), I've been only too aware that for some people this raised the question of whether it was God's timing for me to leave Spain. One person in particular was rather vocal in the belief that my lack of housing meant it was time for me to retire from missions, to leave Spain and to move back to the UK.

Believe me, despite all the assurances to the contrary, I have regularly asked God that same question over the past two years. As far back as last summer, I typed up a list of everything I would need to do if the time ever came for me to leave here. It was a long, complex and costly list, including things like:

• filling in all the government paperwork to surrender my Spanish residency and my right to ever live in Spain again in the future
• surrendering my Spanish healthcare card and re-applying to get into the British NHS
• handing in my Spanish driving licence and re-applying for a British one
• closing my Spanish bank account
• selling my car and giving away my furniture, kitchen appliances, etc.
• finding a family to adopt my dog 
• resigning from all the teams and roles I hold as a missionary; finding people to take my place in some of those teams
• letting all my prayer partners know that I will no longer be a missionary and therefore no longer a recipient of their financial gifts

And those are just some of the things that would need to happen before I left Spain; the list includes other things that would need to happen once I was back in the UK... things like finding a doctor and dentist.... and probably some kind of part time job to support myself in the future. Reading the list was heartbreaking, and was one of the main factors that made me very wary of taking such a big, life-changing step without complete certainty that it was what God was asking of me.

Then a few things began to happen in recent weeks. One Sunday, the pastor stood up in church and led a special prayer time for all the people in the congregation that were homeless. After the service, a woman came to me and said that her sister was an estate agent and had access to some property listings that didn't have squatters in them. Her sister turned out to be someone I had met in the street a couple of times, as she got a border collie puppy around the same time that I got Maiki. She's been taking me to see one or two properties for sale in Alhaurín and in another nearby town. (Nothing suitable yet, but at least things are beginning to move.)

Over this past week, one of my homeless church friends phoned me.  She had been offered a flat for rent, but, with only two bedrooms, it was too small for their family of five, which includes grown up children. Would I be interested in viewing it? It's centrally located in the main avenue of the town, and so I made an arrangement to view it after church today.

Then, during church, a second option presented itself. An American lady who is renting a house in the next town (about 15 km away) told me she was looking for a housemate and would love to share with me if I'm open to it.  So, I also went to visit her place after church today.  Suddenly, after months of no options, two places became available in the same day.

The challenge with the second house was that it was full of antique furniture and displays of china; my friend didn't yet know if the owners would be open to having a dog in the property.

The first little flat, on the other hand, was very simple, even slightly "worn" looking, as the previous renters, who just moved out a few days ago, had broken some light fittings and obviously allowed their cats to damage some of the furniture.  I told the landlord that I had furniture of my own, and he said he'd be happy to get rid of all the old stuff that was there, as it wasn't his original furniture anyway. When he heard I was going to the UK for a month over Christmas, he said he'd carry out repairs of the light fittings, fix things up in general and repaint the shabby outdoor patio while I was gone... but that I could store my furniture in the flat during December, and start paying rent from January. (Initially he said he'd waive the one-month deposit they usually ask for, but then realised he'd need the money to fix things up.)

It's not my "dream home," but it will be a stable place for me to live while I continue the search for a permanent home to buy... which should hopefully become easier after the government passes the anti-squatting law. (Click here to read about that. The law was passed by Congress, then rejected by the Senate and is currently still being debated.) 

The flat is in the town centre, in an apartment block that has a pizza restaurant on the ground floor (but not so close that I would be able to smell pizza cooking, haha.) It has two small bedrooms, an internal patio where I could hang up my laundry, and an underground parking garage so that I wouldn't need to search for parking out on the street.

After two years of searching, this is finally a solution that will allow me to have a place of my own while I continue to look for something more permanent. It's close to my old neighbourhood, so I will easily be able to see all my old neighbours and take their dogs for a walk with mine. Perhaps the most amusing thing of all is that the neighbours in the two flats that look down on my patio are ladies that I've known for several years, as we've often met while walking our dogs. They were quite excited to learn that I might be their new neighbour.

Two of the things that have made it impossible to find rental property have been a) that the landlords demand proof of income, not wanting the rental contract to be more than 20% of your salary, and b) that most landlords are unwilling to rent to someone with a cat or dog. So it was completely unusual today that this homeowner asked for no proof of income and was perfectly happy for me to move in with a dog. It certainly seems to be a door that God is opening in response to renewed prayer over the past week.

If all goes well with the lawyers and preparing the contract, the arrangement will be confirmed next week - allowing me to leave my furniture in the flat while I travel over Christmas, and then to move in when I return in January.

If this indeed is God's provision for the coming season, I look forward to giving you the news very soon.

(The photo above shows the location of the flat in the main street of the town, while the marker more to the right of the photo shows the location of the house that I lived in for 13 years.)