Walking on marbles...

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 In my previous post, I asked you to pray about a health concern - foot pain that had been bothering me for quite a long time. Well, today I had my doctor's appointment and I expected to hear that the pain and discomfort were due to more osteophytes on the soles of my feet... but when the doctor examined my foot, she said she thinks it’s a neuroma and not a bone spur. (See images above and below for more of an explanation.)

She’s applying for me to get a hospital appointment with traumatology so that they can examine my foot and decide whether it needs surgery or whether there’s another way of dealing with it. In the meantime, I’ve got a prescription for anti-inflammatories to take when it’s particularly painful. 

Thanks for your ongoing prayers and I guess what I’m praying now is that the hospital appointment will come through pretty quickly and that I won't need to put up with the increasing pain for a long time.

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Asking prayer for a health concern...

I'd like to ask for your prayers today for a health concern that's been building for a while and that is really beginning to impact my mobility. It's to do with constant pain and discomfort in the soles of my feet, and it's making it increasingly difficult for me to walk.

The problem isn't a new one; it actually began way back in 2010. I began to notice that it was extremely painful for me to put weight on my right foot in particular, and after a while I began to limit my walking in order to get some relief from the pressure. Have you ever had the experience of walking barefoot indoors and suddenly you stand on a piece of lego or some other lumpy object that's lying on the floor? It causes a sudden sharp pain that makes you grimace or even cry out. Well, it was like that; every step was like standing on a marble that had been dropped on the floor.

I went to my doctor, back then in 2010, and x-rays showed that the pain in my feet was caused by osteoarthritis, or what you might call osteophytosis. We joked that my x-rays looked as if I was wearing football boots, because there were lots of little osteophytes or bone spurs on the soles of my feet and toes. 

Eventually it was decided that the only way to relieve the pressure and pain would be for me to have an appointment with the orthopaedics department at the hospital and to have special shoes, or at least custom insoles made to relieve the pressure of the spurs. However, I was never able to attend that appointment in November of 2011, as my Dad became critically ill in hospital and I spent more than ten weeks back in Scotland.

By 2014, I could barely walk five minutes without having to give up in pain. However, I never did get an alternative hospital appointment, especially as years went by and the looming of Brexit got me kicked out of the Spanish healthcare system for a while. 

I wasn't really getting any exercise at all, I realised I was in danger of becoming chronically unfit, and I was starting to feel very sorry for myself... Then, one day in 2014, I felt that God challenged me to stop looking at what I could no longer do, and to start looking instead at what I could do. I could walk for five or ten minutes at a time; not much more. My neighbour got a new puppy around then, and I offered to take her for short walks every day. I bought comfortably fitting men's walking shoes and gel insoles to give them even further padding.

I see it as a real answer to prayer that I've been able to walk so much over the past decade. I became known as the dog whisperer of the neighbourhood and at one point I was walking four or five dogs and covering up to 3000 km a year. The pain wasn't gone, but it was "under control" and the health benefits of being mobile made up for the foot pain I was aware of after every walk. Walking and swimming were the only types of exercise accessible to me, and I was thankful for all that I could do.

In recent months, I've been aware of the osteophytosis getting more difficult again. I was stopping to take my shoes off seven or eight times during every walk because it felt as if I had a stone in my shoe or that perhaps my socks had bunched up to cause an uncomfortable lump below the ball of my foot. But there was never anything there, and gradually I realised that the lumps I was feeling were on the bones of my feet and not due to "foreign bodies" inside my shoes.  As the past five or six weeks have gone by, it's got increasingly painful - almost like walking with a small marble inside my sock. 

I'm still walking the dogs twice a day, but the walks are getting shorter. I find myself crying out when I first put my shoes on in the morning, and I'm often close to tears by the end of every walk. Walking the dogs is my main source of exercise and it's devastating to think that this might no longer be possible for me. But right now, each walk is a choice of the will and I'm aware of a lot of pain both during and afterwards.

Just over the past two or three days, I've realised that I'm probably "walking funny" in an attempt to relieve the pressure on the most painful toe joints. I'm beginning to feel pain in my right knee and I know it's probably because I'm walking strangely and unnaturally. A couple of people have commented to me over the past couple of days that I seem to be limping quite badly, and have asked me what is wrong.

So I've made a doctor's appointment to see what can be done. (Back in 2010, they told me that surgery to remove the bone spurs was one option.. but not a particularly good one, as they would eventually grow back again after just a few years. So the orthopaedics route of specially made shoes or insoles is probably the most likely way forward.) My appointment is for 14th February; I hope I can attend it and not need to cancel it, because that week is likely to be pretty crazy with lawyer's meetings and other things for the house purchase, and I'll be preparing to leave for France the next day.

Please will you join me in praying for a good solution? It's hard to be in so much pain whenever I take a few steps. I've persevered with it for quite a long time now, but I really pray for a solution that will make a big difference for the coming years.

Moving house...

I've been back in Spain for almost a week, and so much has happened that I almost feel a little dizzy.

If you've read my last few blog posts of 2024, you'll know that I finally found a flat to rent - after two years of a homeless, nomadic lifestyle that saw me moving house every few weeks or months. This past week has seen us moving yet again, but this time without a deadline. It's been fun to rediscover bedding, kitchen stuff and clothing that has been packed away in storage for the past two years - almost like getting a brand new wardrobe. My dog (who went a little crazy with joy on seeing me again after a month's absence) seldom lets me out of her sight and the photo above shows her "helping" me to do the first laundry in the new flat.

The dog isn't allowed up on the furniture; she knows this, and always sleeps obediently on her own bed. But since we've moved into the new place, I've given her permission also to sleep on an old Ikea chair that used to be the cats' bed.  I've had to smile at how she's enjoyed this new-found freedom. Although she more often sleeps on her usual bed, she's begun climbing up on the "chair bed" every now and then - trying out new sleeping positions or watching from there as I move and unpack lots of boxes and bags.

Thank you for your prayers over these past two years. I am thankful to have found a more stable home for the next season of my life.

Answered prayer, lack of prayer and wrong prayer…

Most Christians believe that prayer changes things. Although sceptics may think that what seem to be answers to prayer are just a series of happy coincidences, we can’t escape the reality of what one believer said in response: “All I know is that when I pray, lots of “coincidences” happen, and when I don’t pray, there aren’t so many of those coincidences.”

It’s equally true that when we don’t pray, things we hoped for don’t in fact happen. We read this in James 4:8, which says, “You don’t have what you want because you don’t ask for it.” I experienced this very obviously through two things that happened in 2024…

Last summer, I travelled to West Africa to teach in a youth ministry training course. Knowing that luggage can often get lost in transit on flights to and from small African airports, I asked people if they would pray that my baggage would arrive safely and on time. Well, I arrived safely in Togo, but my luggage didn’t. I had to wear borrowed clothes for my first few days of teaching, and when the suitcase finally did arrive, my gifts of European cheese for my African hosts had melted into greasy lumps.

When news of the lost suitcase filtered out, one or two people got in touch with me to ask for my forgiveness. “You asked us to pray about your baggage,” said one, “and I really intended to, but I forgot. I’m so sorry.” While those who forgot to pray can’t be held responsible for the lost luggage, it was nonetheless a reminder that committed prayer can make a big difference to everyday situations and lack of prayer can equally have an effect on the outcome.

A similar thing happened towards the end of the year. In my December newsletter, I wrote about the fact that I had been homeless and searching for a place to live for two whole years. Almost immediately, a handful of people got in touch to confess that they’d actually failed to pray about my housing situation - it had dragged on for such a long time, that they had found it hard to persevere in prayer, but they and others promised me their renewed prayers during December. Within two days, I had two housing options - one of them being the rental flat that I moved into this week. Further evidence that lack of prayer can delay what God wants to do, but concentrated prayer can quickly make a difference.

Perhaps the biggest learning curve for me, however, was the solemn realisation that the wrong kind of prayer can actually be just as negative as no prayer at all. “What?” you say, “Can prayer ever be wrong?”

In the middle of last year, one day in May, I was contacted by two rather prophetic friends from another country. “When we were praying for you," they said, “We felt that God led us to break the power of soulish prayers over your life.”

Soulish prayers? What on earth is that about?

I understand the difference between the soul and the spirit. The soul is often defined as our mind, will and emotions: our own thoughts, desires and feelings. The spirit, on the other hand, is to do with our conscience and intuition; that part of ourselves that allows us to commune with God and hear His voice. In fact, when we speak on our leadership development courses about spiritual leadership, we often challenge the leaders to evaluate whether they are leading from their soul or whether they are truly leading from their spirit, inspired by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. 

We read in Hebrews 4:12 

that one function of the Bible, the Word of God, is to help us distinguish between what is from the soul and what is from the spirit. 

So, what did they mean by “soulish” prayers, I asked my friends. In fact, it’s been written about by some well known Christian authors. Soulish prayers are when we pray according to our own ideas and understanding, our own desires and hopes, rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to direct our prayers so that we will pray things that are God’s will. My friends said they felt that a well intentioned person or persons were praying things that they themselves believed to be right, but that were not God’s will for my life, and this was having a negative effect on my search for a new home.

We’ll never know exactly what it was. Perhaps someone was praying that I wouldn’t find a home in Spain… or perhaps it was simply that one or more people were praying for me to do something different, something that wasn’t in fact what God had for me.

It reminded me of a classmate that I knew in University. This person had great admiration for a young man in our year and had convinced herself that God wanted her to have a relationship with, and ultimately to marry, this man. She continued to pray in that direction over a period of some eighteen months. When the young man in question finally married someone else, she was forced to accept that marrying him was not in fact something that would happen in her future. Not too long after that, she got engaged to another young man who had in fact been a “best friend” of hers since the first year of university. Looking back, she realised that her obsession with the first young man and her “wrong” prayers about a relationship with him, had probably prevented her from seeing what was obvious all along: that she already had a wonderful developing relationship with the man who is now her husband. No doubt her soulish prayers prevented her from seeing and experiencing it sooner.

A similar impression was shared with me around November, and I personally took the step of breaking the power of any soulish prayers over my life and future. It was only a few weeks later that I found the apartment where I have now begun to live.

I have always believed in the power of prayer (even when sometimes I don’t seem to see the things I am praying for.) I have also always believed that lack of prayer can delay God’s purposes in a town, a church, in a family or in an individual’s life. But over the past year I gained a new understanding and respect for the fact that the wrong kind of prayer can actually have a negative effect rather than just a neutral one.

Perhaps that is why even Jesus Himself, when praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, said, “Not my will, but yours be done, Father.” If Jesus was aware of the danger of soulish prayer, how much more important is it for us, His followers, to be wise and discerning in how we pray.

Sailing into a new year...

We're already four days into a new year - a year that will take us ¼ of the way through our current century. It's unlikely to be "plain sailing" - as real life is never like that - but a new year always seems to presents us with a sense of new hope and the opportunity to make a new start in different areas of our life.

If you read my last few blog posts of 2024, you'll already know that this first month of the year does mark kind of a new beginning for me. After two whole years of being homeless and moving constantly from one accommodation to another, I've finally found a little flat that Maiki and I will move into when I return to Spain, ten days from now.

This new home brings a huge sense of relief with it. It can be hard to keep praying, to keep persevering when a difficult situation drags on and on, without any sense of breakthrough. It can raise all kinds of questions about whether you're praying the right thing, doing the right thing or even whether you're in the right place.

A Bible passage that I read this week illustrates exactly that kind of situation. In Luke chapter 8, we read the well known story of Jesus' calming a storm and we see how unsettling that experience was for His twelve disciples. As I read the story, it reminded me a lot of my own experience over the past two years:

vs 22 - The disciples knew that they were in the right place; they were exactly where Jesus had asked them to be, because He was the one who had asked them to get into the boat and cross over to the other side of the lake. Similarly, I knew that Jesus had guided me to be in Spain and was asking me to continue to live there.

vs 23 - The disciples knew that Jesus was with them; He was right there in the boat with them as they sought to obey what He'd asked them to do. 

So, if you are in the right place, doing the right thing, and you know that Jesus is with you.... you'd think that life would be plain sailing, wouldn't you? 

But it wasn't so for the disciples. They found themselves caught up in a very real danger - a storm that was so violent, even the seasoned fishermen in the group were afraid that they were going to drown. Their situation was very scary and, even though they knew Jesus was with them, it seemed that He was asleep and unaware of their fears.

Like the disciples, not only was I sure I was in the right place and was obeying what God had shown me, I also had lots of evidence that Jesus was with me on the journey - inspiring and anointing my missionary involvement, all while providing a series of short term places for me to live.

But, like the disciples, I often found it quite scary to be one of the many thousands of victims of the post-pandemic housing crisis. I didn't imagine that Jesus was "asleep in the boat" or oblivious to my very real challenges... but there were a couple of times when I said, "Lord, my resilience is low; I don't know if I have any strength left to go on."

But Jesus did calm the storm for the disciples, and now He has calmed the storm for me too. I haven't reached the other side yet, but at least it's calmer sailing and I move into 2025 with a more stable foundation (home) for the journey ahead. (Read on in the posts below for news of how God has calmed the storm for me over the past few weeks.)

The rest of Luke chapter 8 tells of some healing miracles, and I found it interesting that all of them were situations that had been dragging on for a long time. Often it's the "chronic" situations, with seemingly unanswered prayer, that really test our faith.

The first healing is of the Gadarene man who had been naked, homeless and demon possessed for a very long time. But the story ends with him clothed and calm again, and Jesus tells him, "Go home and tell how much God has done for you." When we do see a breakthrough in our long term battles, it's important that we give God the glory and share the testimony with others.

The second healing is of a woman with an embarrassing and distressing "feminine problem" - she had been bleeding for twelve years and no one had been able to help her. Yet, at just the right time, one touch from Jesus brought instant release.

In the third situation, the little girl's health had got so bad that she actually died, and people laughed at Jesus when He said He would wake her up again... but He did; He raised her from death to new life.

It reminds me again of how hard it can be to keep believing or even to keep praying for situations that have gone on for a long time - a health challenge that hasn't been healed, an unbelieving family member or neighbour that still hasn't opened their heart to the Lord, a home or work situation that is still difficult and needs breakthrough...

Reading these stories today challenges me to keep praying for "chronic" situations. God's power is never limited; it's more usually my perseverance or my prayer that are limited. I'm asking God to give me faith for the chronic situations that He wants me to keep praying and trusting for in 2025.

Serendipity

Serendipity. It's not a word that you hear very often in British English, but it's generally used to describe the happy or beneficial coincidences of life - things that take us by surprise in a pleasant way.

Some people would say that serendipitous circumstances are not actually "coincidences" at all; that they are more like "fate" or destiny. "All things happen for a reason," they say.

Well, I have to confess that I don't really believe that all things happen for a reason. Some things, especially the negative ones, just happen because we live in a fallen world, and sinful people, including myself, sometimes do stupid or selfish things. Not everything that happens to us was "meant to be." Things might simply be a consequence of my own or someone else's bad choices.

But then there are the serendipitous experiences of life, where it really seems as if Someone greater has been arranging the circumstances for you. As someone once said, "When I pray, lots of coincidences happen; and when I don't pray, I don't experience so many coincidences."

And so I'm intrigued by the serendipity surrounding the new flat that I'm going to be renting here in Spain. As you know, I've been homeless for the past two years - unable to find a house or flat either to rent or buy. God has been faithful amidst the crisis and has always provided temporary accommodation for me... but this has meant that my dog and I have moved home more than a dozen times in the past two years.

As 2024 was drawing to close, another deadline was looming for us. Time was running out in the place I'd been living for the past six months. I had nowhere to store my furniture when I left for Christmas, and nowhere to live when I returned to Spain in mid January. I had been intensifying the search during November, looking at apartments in nearby towns and sometimes even driving as far as 100 km along the coast, just to find something short term that would allow me to continue the search into a third year of the post-pandemic housing crisis. But there was nothing to be found. Either the landlords demanded to see proof of a huge salary, or they told me that they wouldn't rent to someone with a pet.

So there was something serendipitous about the fact that the flat I've now committed to rent only became available when the previous renters moved out of it in early December.... and that before the landlord could clean it up and advertise it for rent again, someone in the building mentioned it to a homeless family in my church. It was too small for them, so this meant that I was able to view it and agree to rent it before it was advertised on any estate agents' websites.

Then there was the serendipity of the fact that (as I wrote a couple of days ago) I'm moving into a building where I already have a relational connection with all three of my neighbours. The two neighbours in the flats upstairs from mine are ladies that I've been speaking to for years, because we often met while walking our dogs; they knew about my search for a home and have been following my journey with interest. And it turns out the third neighbour, in the flat next door to mine, is my hairdresser's sister. Loli has been cutting my hair for fifteen years, and I've already met one of her sisters who lives in the same street. Now I'm going to meet another one and continue building my network of people to witness to here in town.

My journey isn't finished. I can't afford to rent forever, and I'll continue to look for a little home of my own to buy.... but at this stage of the journey, I'm seeing God's hand in the serendipity of my next steps.

Even though I won't start paying rent until January (the flat is being painted and having some repairs done while I'm away for Christmas) I was able to move my furniture there this week, thus solving the problem of my not having any place to store it. I've also been able to leave my car in its new underground parking spot instead of leaving it out in the winter weather during the month that I'm in Scotland. I have to confess I felt thankful to have only a small car, because the parking bay is not very wide at all. I'm not sure that a bigger vehicle would have fitted there. I can only just open the door to get in and out of the car. (For the sharp eyed people, who can spot my dog peering out the car window: no, she won't be spending the next month in the parking garage, but will be staying with missionary friends of mine who graciously agreed to look after her over an extended period so that I could spend more time with my Mum.)

Christmas presents...

Well, I hardly dared to believe it (things have fallen through so many times over the past two years) but now I really do have a new home for 2025. I moved all my furniture over to the flat yesterday, even as cleaners (friends from my church) were busy deep-cleaning the whole apartment. Today and tomorrow, I'm packing everything else into my storage shed, as well as deep cleaning the place I've been in for the past few months. I also needed to take my dog to meet the family (and baby!) where she'll be staying over the next month while I'm in the UK.

My new landlord will still be doing some repairs and some re-painting while I am gone, so that everything will be ready for me to move in when I return in January.

It's been an interesting "coincidence" for me that the two neighbours in the flats upstairs from mine are ladies that I've often met while walking the dogs.... and this morning I discovered yet another "coincidence" about my new location. While my hairdresser was cutting my hair this morning and I was explaining where my new place will be, she suddenly gave a gasp and said, "You'll be the next door neighbour to my sister. She's in the other ground floor flat in that building!" So it turns out that there's already a relational connection with all three of my neighbours, and I am trusting that God will deepen the friendships over the coming months, as well as re-strengthening connections with my former neighbours who'll be not too far away now.

What a nice Christmas present - to have not only a new place to live, but also new neighbours to reach out and share my faith with. God is good.

(Photo shows one of our Alhaurín roundabouts at Christmas time.)